Undying Pie
by ArcBus
Summary: The baking will never stop. Aeris's staff is replaced with a rolling pin, Elmyra wants to kill herself, and Sephiroth's evil plotting is backfiring... Because of his fan club! [WARNING: AeriSephness, but y'all knew that. Complete!]
1. The Crazy First Chapter!

**UNDYING PIE**

_There is no SANE explanation to the title, really. It was adapted from my story Undying Storm, but only because it was an AeriSeph fic, and so is this... Kind of... Ha! And also... Aeris makes alot of pies and cookies... Well, enjoy a very random and practically pointless story! Ciao!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own FF. Live with it._

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**CHAPTER ONE - THE CRAZY FIRST CHAPTER!**

Aaaaaaahhhhhhhhhh... There's nothing like a nice Friday evening... Unless of course you live next door to Aeris and Sephiroth, that is.

"AERIS!" Sephiroth yelled from upstairs, seeing as how his wife was DOWNSTAIRS and he couldn't be bothered to go... Down... The stairs.

"I'M CLEANING THE OVEN!" Aeris shouted back. "IF YOU WANT TO TALK TO ME, COME DOWN HERE!"

"NO! I'M TOO BUSY TO LEAVE MY EVIL LAYER!"

Just so you know, Sephiroth's evil layer is actually one of the bedrooms. Their house has four. Why, when they only need one? Well, they need an unused master bedroom, one each for themselves, and one for the evil layer! We'll go into detail of their personal problems a bit later on.

Anyway, Aeris eventually gave up, and just went upstairs, still wearing the grease-covered apron and gloves, and went into the 'evil layer', ignoring the KEEP OUT signs.

"Okay, you malevolent psychopath!" She excalimed. "I'M HERE! WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"Oh, good." Sephiroth said, looking out of the window through his telescope. "Could you do me a favour and sign those divorce papers on the desk over there?"

Aeris began to grind her teeth.

"Just... Wait... A few... Minutes..."

Then she left, and returned a few minutes later with a... CHAINSAW! No, just kidding... She returned with... A PEN!

DUN-DUN-DDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

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And then Cloud awoke with a loud scream.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

He woke up on the counter of the 7th Heaven, where he had fallen asleep.

"Oh, good morning Cloud." Tifa said, cleaning the counter around him. "Why did you wake up in such a... Uhh... Loud manner?"

"OH MY GOD! TIFA! I had the most AWFUL dream! I dreamt that Aeris and Sephiroth were married, and then-- Hey... Wait a minute... HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! SHE WAS SIGNING DIVORCE PAPERS! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH! I WIN! HAHAHAHA!"

Tifa just... Sweatdropped.

"Cloud. Aeris and Sephiroth ARE married. It's almost the entire point of this story."

"W-W-W-WHHHHHHHAAAATTTTTTTTTTT? HOW LONG WAS I ASLEEP?" Cloud excalimed, shaking her. "TELL ME!"

"About 2 months. I lost alot of service seeing as you were on the counter, but, oh well... What're you gonna do?"

"Are you... Kidding?"

"No."

Suddenly, Cloud's heart was broken. Literally. And he fell back onto the counter and turned pale and cold.

"Oh my God!" Tifa shouted, and she tried to call an ambulance, but the 7th Heaven was in the Slums and ambulances can't get down there and then it was too late because Cloud was DEAD!

DUN-DUN-DDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

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And then Sephiroth awoke with a loud scream.

"AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

He woke up on... Uhh... The lawn of a house! In fact, it was the same house that was introduced first of all in this story!

"Oh, good morning!" Aeris said cheerfully, waving a set of keys infront of his face. "Got the keys!"

"Where'd you find them?" He asked.

"In my purse..." She replied.

"YOU MEAN WE STAYED OUT HERE **ALL **NIGHT, AND THEY TURNED OUT TO BE IN YOUR PURSE **ALL ALONG**?"

"Yeah, duh, that's what I said!"

Then, Aeris unlocked the door, and then put the keys back in her purse, before pulling their suitcases towards the door. They had just come back from their Honeymoon, but they don't actually have any stuff, so the suitcases are pretty much... Empty. Where did they go? They went to SPIRA, of course! And what can you get in Spira? Nothing. That's what. Anyway, after that, they went inside. I know that after you come home when you're married, the guy's supposed to carry the girl through the door, but those two aren't into that sorta stuff, so they just walked in. With the empty suitcases.

"Wow. This place is cool." Aeris said, because they had only just bought the house before they got married.

Before that, they were living at Elmyra's house, and she had just kidnapped Marlene and was trying to raise her to be an Aeris clone, so they decided they would live together. Elmyra almost INSTANTLY disallowed it, but then Aeris was like 'SCREW YOU, YOU'RE NOT MY **REAL** MOM!', and then she threw a(n empty) vase across the front room and went ahead and bought the house. How did she buy the house? The magic of ArcBus Loans! You don't even have to pay the money back! HA! (Terms and Conditions apply, only applicable to those requiring money for story plots). So, that was when Elmyra did practically EVERYTHING to stop them from living together! She treid to make it look like Sephiroth had cheated on Aeris, but Aeris saw right through that because, ahem, he just... WOULDN'T do that! She tried it the other way around, but who would else would Aeris like? CLOUD? HAHAHA! Don't make me laugh! So, she tried... Well, there weren't any other things she could really do. So, she decided, that... Well, actually, this was the part when they actually got married, and halfway through the ceremony, Elmyra just suddenly thought 'Fuck this. Once this is over, I'm killing myself.' And, so, she gave the very Aeris-like Marlene back to Barrett, and then threw herself off a cliff. Actually, she asked Barrett if, as a punishment for kidnapping Marlene, he would shoot her and then let her fall. But Barrett would NEVER agree to do something like that! NEHVEHR! So, instead, he saved her life. But she wasn't pleased. Not at all. Anyway, as for Aeris, she was probably thinking 'I married an evil maniac and my Mom tried to kill herself. What a great day this is...', sarcastically. But actually, she was thinking 'I MARRIED AN EVIL MANIAC AND MY MOM TRIED TO KILL HERSELF! WHAT A GREAT DAY THIS IS!' in, you know, actual terms. And then they went to Spira, and now here they are!

Okay, so the kind people at the ArcBus Estate Agency (They're not like other estate agents. They're fair. In fact, they're... FAIRER than fair!) had already fully furnished the house. And it was, like, THE BEST HOUSE EVER! It had EVERYTHING! (Except a pool). That's right! EVERYTHING! (Except a pool). Actually, it doesn't have everything, but it's still a pretty cool house. But very complicated, so I can't really describe it better than that. It was even on the Top Plate of Midgar! YAY!

So, there they were... In that... Nice house... Peacefully... Standing... There...

...Yes...

...Until...

...Sephiroth took a step forward, and it was like... A MILLIMETER!

"NNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Aeris yelled, before pinning him to the floor.

"WHAT?" He excalimed.

"What was the agreement?" She asked.

"...You get first choice of the bedrooms..."

"That's right! So, if you're alright checking out everything down here, I'm going to go upstairs."

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So, Aeris went upstairs, and then... Sephiroth just shook his head and left the suitcases in the middle of the floor in the (very large) hall, to go look at the rest of the ground floor. And, that's our cue to go upstairs to see what Aeris was doing up there. She had found a large bedroom. Except it was very... Childish... It had pink and purple wallpaper and... A single bed... CHILD sized. She liked the colours, but she wanted to see the rest of the rooms. So, she walked out of that room, and went into the next. It was definatly very... Red... And it had a bunk bed... Her first impressions were 'Uh... Too... Red.' So she walked out. And she went into the final room along the row of them, and that had white and yellow stuff in it, and a cot in the middle of the room! AAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWW! She liked that room, but not for herself, so she went into the last bedroom, on the other side of the stairs, and it was... The master room... With a double bed in it... She liked the room, but thought 'Okay... I liked the pink room better'. So, she settled for the first one. Yay!

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And that's our cue to go downstairs to see what Sephiroth was doing down there. Absolutely nothing. Why? Hell, I don't know. Actually, he... Yeah, you've guessed it, was looking for the basement. Yes, you've also guessed IT. He was looking for the basement so he could turn it into his EVIL LAYER! But, unfortunatly, there was no way to the basement. So, he decided to go UPSTAIRS and see if there was a way to get into the attic.

"Well, I've chosen my room." Aeris said, standing outside her door. "Though, I don't know WHAT the crazy designers were thinking when they decorated this place! Tsk, tsk, tsk!"

Then, she went into her room to... You know... Do whatever Aeris does in her spare time. Probably... Taking away all the fluffy stuff, for a start. And that left Sephiroth with the HORRIFYING task of looking at all the other rooms, seeing as there wasn't a way into the attic. So, he went into the red one, and he was all like 'Right... Better look at the others'. So, he went into the white and yellow one! AAAAAAWWWWWWWWW! Except, he was like '... O.o OMGZORZ!' So, he LEFT that one and went into the master bedroom, to which he just though 'Oookkaaayyy... I'm guessing Aeris took the best one.' And he just decided to use the red one as both his evil layer AND his bedroom.

Why aren't they sharing the master bedroom, you ask? Well, it would... Just... Never happen! Well, I wouldn't say... NEVER. It's not like they're Vincent and Yuffie in an ArcBus story. Now THAT would NEVER happen. EEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWW! No, in fact, they're Aeris and Sephiroth in an ArcBus story. And that means crazy weird plotlines! HAHAHA!

So, that was the plan. Everything seemed to be... Okay... But, then, one day, two months later...

... AHEM!

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**TWO MONTHS LATER...**

SOOOOOOOOOO... Basically, Aeris was in the kitchen, and for some reason, she was making a pie. A cherry pie, to be precise.

"Aeris?" Sephiroth asked. "What are you doing?"

"I'm making a pie." She replied. "A cherry pie, to be precise."

He raised an eyebrow. She had been acting very... Weird... Lately.

"Are you okay?" He asked in a concerned voice.

"Yes." She replied hastily. "I'm fine."

"...Alright..." He said, trailing off, obviously knowing that she WASN'T alright.

He went back to his 'evil layer', trying to ignore the weirdness, and got out a telescope to look out of the window and into the Shinra building with. One of the good points about his evil layer was that it had a PERFECT view of the Shinra building. Most people wouldn't have liked that, but this meant that Sephiroth could plot his crazy revenge scheme on them! Hwahaha! But little did he know, there were people spying on him, too!

Let me give you ANOTHER part of this plot. Sephiroth has stalkers; Three teenage girls, who are driven by their love of Final Fantasy VII, and also their love of... Sephiroth! Go figure... They're practically the Prince Yuki Fan Club from Fruits Basket, but the Sephiroth equivilant. They work for Shinra, but only now so they can watch their DARLING through the WINDOWS! And by the way, they are the ONLY people in Shinra that know Sephiroth lives there. They are also aware of Aeris. They treat her like Tohru. IT'S TRUE!

The first member is the President. She's like that really TALL girl with the really LONG hair and really LONG socks from the Yuki FC, who I forget the name of. Well, actually, she is. Just with a little ajustment. Her name is... Maryland-Susanne. She was born in Maryland, USA, so her parents decided to name her after that state! Her name is shortened to Mary-Sue.

The second member is like Motoko Minegawa, or whatever you call that Yuki FC girl with bunches that almost got killed by Hana. She is called Olivia-Caroline, another double-barrelled name. Since it's double-barreled like Mary-Sue, her name was shortened to initials - OC.

The third member is like that one who wore the frog hat when the Yuki FC went to Hana's house. Megumi never learnt her name, so she wasn't cursed. Her name is Francesca Girdle, but everyone just calls her Fan Girl.

OMG! What a COINCIDENCE! Mary-Sue, OC and Fan Girl! HAHAHAHAHA! No, it's not a coincidence. It's called creativity.

"What's happening, President?" OC asked, as Mary-Sue looked through the binoculars.

"He's... Being... Stunning... As usual..." Mary-Sue replied.

Then, all three went all... Floaty... With stars and flowers and SHOJO SPARKLES! And big gleaming eyes, and... HALLUCINATIONS! But suddenly, that creepy Fruits Basket theme came on. The one that ALWAYS comes on whenever the President is talking about her angst-ridden love for Yuki, and how Tohru is RUINING everything.

"But... I pains me how he could marry that worthless Aeris girl... Everytime I see her... I just want to... AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

She leant over backwards, and to stop her from falling, the other two held her up.

"So, what's our plan, President?" Fan Girl asked.

"Hmm... Well, we could think of a plan now and carry it out quickly and unprofessionally, or we could appear in the next chapter with a good plan that actually had a chance of working...!" Mary-Sue replied proudly.

"I think next chapter!" OC said.

"ME TOO!" Fan Girl said.

"Then it's settled! Let's--"

"Uh... Pardon me, ladies?" Reno asked in a British accent (Classin ArcBus joke. See FFVII: What Really Happened for details), walking over to them. "Are you going to actually DO something?"

And, suddenly... Mary-Sue thought of a BRILLIANT idea.

"Hey, uh, Reno?" She asked. "Could you do us a little favour? It's for work!"

"...Does it involve bloodshed?" Reno asked, slightly intruiged.

"It will eventually!"

"BRAVO! So, what do you want me to do?"

Then, Mary-Sue brought on an EVIL LAUGH! As did OC! And then Fan Girl! And Reno just... Stared... At them... Should I end this chapter now? Maybe...

**BASS IT!**

Phew... BASS IT! Indicates the end of a chapter, okay? Right-o.

Uh... Any questions? Improvements? Explanations? That's what reviews are there for! QUESTIONS! Oh my gosh! I LOVE QUESTIONS! FAQ! WOO! No, I really do! I love to answer questions, so if you have any, please don't be shy! I want friends! Though... This is probably another failure of a fic... It's not really going anywhere... You know... Yet.

OKAY! Bai-Bai!


	2. Baked Goods Multiply

**UNDYING PIE**

_There is no SANE explanation to the title, really. It was adapted from my story Undying Storm, but only because it was an AeriSeph fic, and so is this... Kind of... Ha! And also... Aeris makes alot of pies and cookies... Well, enjoy a very random and practically pointless story! Ciao!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own FF. Live with it._

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**CHAPTER TWO - BAKED GOODS MULTIPLY**

Well, back at the very crazy FAMILY home of Aeris and Sephiroth, with NO FAMILY to FILL the FAMILY home, apart from themselves, Aeris had now made about... 100 pies. All cherry. Sephiroth had just come back down from upstairs, and you can imagine his shock when there was just ONE pie and then suddenly in the duration of about fifteen minutes, there was ONE HUNDERED!

"Oooookkkkkkkaaaaaaaaaaayyyyyyyyy..." He said slowly. "What's with all the... Umm... Pies?"

"I'm sending them to the homeless refuge." Aeris replied. GOD BLESS THAT CRAZY FLOWER GIRL!

Then, a van pulled up outside, and Aeris stacked up ALL the pies, and ran outside with them. Can she carry 100 at once? Sure... Let's just say she can. It was the HOMELESS REFUGE VAN! The homeless refuge MAN, who drove the homeless refuge VAN, was very grateful, helped her stuff ALL the pies into his van, payed her and drove off.

"WHOA!" Sephiroth excaimed, staring at all the Gil she got. "YOU GOT PAYED FOR THAT?"

"Sure. Why not?" She said, and went into the lounge to sit on the couch after a LLLLLOOOOONNNNNNNNNGGGGGGG day of making pies. "Phewf!"

He followed her in.

"So, explain..." He said.

"Um... Well, I don't know." She replied. "I just have this weird urge to... Bake pies! So, I figured since we wouldn't find use for so many of them, I'd give them to the homeless refuge."

"That explains... Hardly anything..." Sephiroth sighed, and then he just shook his head and sat down next to her.

Well, when I say 'next to', I mean 'on the other side of the couch next to'. Anyway, they just spent the rest of the evening sat there in silence, until they went back to their rooms. Hahaha!

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**THE NEXT DAY...**

"Aeris..." Sephiroth said, very blankly. "Are you doing what I THINK you're doing..."

I bet you think Aeris was making more pies, right? HAHAHAHA! SUCKER! On the contrary, she was EATING a pie.

"Yes." She said, twitching. "I am eating a mustard pie..."

"That's what I presumed."

So, he just left and went back to his evil layer. He hadn't really thought of how to get revenge on Shinra yet, so he was playing the very murderous game Grand Theft Auto on the PS2. Why? I dunno... He wanted to shoot people.

Let me put something into perspective, by going to a FLASHBACK in the game (FFVII, not GTA, numbskull!)

---FLAAASHBAAACK!---

It was at the Gold Saucer when Dyne shot all those dudes. If you don't remember Dyne, he was the other guy who got a gun-arm asides from Barrett. Cloud, Aeris and Cait Sith went to see what was going on... In the pools of blood.

"Sephiroth?" Aeris asked.

Cloud knelt by one of the corpses.

"No. They all have shot wounds. Sephiroth would never use a gun."

---FLAAASHFORWAAARD!---

To that, Cloud, I have to say... PAH-HA! In fact, he had just equpiied his character with a HUGE machine gun, and was firing at will.

"DIE! DIE RANDOM CIVILLIANS! MWA HA HA HA HA HAA!"

Anyway, just so you know, in that space of about five minutes, Aeris had baked... Like... Twenty batches of cookies. And she came running up with a plate.

"HEY!" She said, ignoring all the KEEP OUT signs and bursting into the evil layer. "CAN YOU TEST THESE FOR ME?"

Before he could even answer or press PAUSE, she stuffed a whole cookie into his mouth.

"MMFFFFFFFFF!"

"They're good?" She asked hopefully.

He couldn't answer, except for 'MFF!', so he nodded, trying to chew the cookie into... Well... PIECES HE COULD ACTUALLY SWALLOW!

"YAY! I'M SO HAPPY!" Aeris declared to the world. "I'M SO HAPPY THAT I'M GOING TO BAKE **MORE **COOKIES AND **MORE **PIES!"

"You do that then..." Sephiroth said after he swallowed the cookie and returned to the game, sounding quite uninterested.

"Here. You can have the rest of these." She said, leaving the plate on the table nearby. "But don't leave crummies!"

"Okay then, MOM!" He yelled in a sarcastic tone.

Sigh. What will we do about that CRAZY Aeris?

Alright, so... That's the end of that scene!

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Next, we go to the Shinra building, where the Sephiroth FC and the Turks... Well... Reno of the Turks... were discussing how to De-Aeris Sephiroth's life. GASP! NOOO!

"WE CAN MAKE IT LOOK LIKE SHE CHEATED ON HIM!" Mary-Sue suggested. Well, actually, she CONFIRMED, seeing as what Mary-Sue wants, Mary-Sue gets... Usually. Or she throws a tantrum if she can't get it. "That's where YOU come in, Reno! You need to climb up into..."

Then, Mary-Sue cringed, and fell back to the floor. OC and Fan Girl went to each side of her.

"PRESIDENT!" They excalimed.

Well, Mary-Sue was about to say 'Their bedroom', but she thought of a better phrase, and sat RIGHT up. Wow, this is actually an example of DRAMATIC IRONY! I'm SO proud of myself! Hahahahahahaha!

"You need to climb into the master bedroom and look like you've just been... Well... Doing stuff with that AWFUL witch!"

"WHAT HO?" Reno yelled. "THAT'S PREPOSTEROUS! I shall have NO part in this WHATSOEVER!"

"PLEASE?" The FC pleaded.

"...Alright, fine. Because I am so incredibly British, I shall see what I can do for you, ladies." He agreed, even though the fact that he was British had absolutly NOTHING to do with this. He isn't even British. He's putting the accent on. Also, Reno probably has better things to do, so he was probably bluffing, too, and thinking up his OWN plan.

Anyway, let's change to ANOTHER scene.

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Elmyra was still trying to kill herself. Barrett saved her last time, remember? So, she stood under a loss, heavy iron chandelier, with live wires that were showing.

"Goodbye, cruel world..." She said in an angsty voice, as the chain began to snap...

...But suddenly.

"WATCH OUT ELMYRA!" Barrett yelled, and pushed her out of the way.

The chandelier hit the floor with a big BANG! What did you expect?

"HEY! Elmyra! That chandelier almost crushed you!" Barrett said.

"I am... Aware... Of that...!" Elmyra said, grining her teeth.

"Boy, if I wasn't here to save you again, then, well, you'd be pretty much a pretty mush! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

Hahahahaha! How FUNNY you are, Barrett! Elmyra laughed slightly, then turned away, groaned, and mumbled. Which is another cue to go back to Aeris, who had just recieved MORE Gil from those people at the homeless refuge, for the cookies.

"I think I've found a REAL purpose in my life now!" She said, even though there was nobody in the room. "I'll bake for homeless people!"

Was THAT her purpose? Was THAT the purpose of baking? Well, so she thought...

...Until...

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Later on, Sephiroth walked down the stairs, when suddenly, he heard sobbing. Anyhoo, he went into the lounge, and... AERIS WAS CRYING! Awww...

"Aeris?" He asked. "What's wrong?"

She took a while to reply.

"N-Nothing... I-I just feel..."

Okay, so, like, he was ABOUT to leave the room, when she continued.

"I feel incomplete."

"Wow... Maybe you should see someone about it?" He suggested, because he couldn't really help her. Could Sephiroth help with something like this? No? That's what I thought, too.

"Yeah. Good idea." She said, immidiatly lighting up. "I'll go once I've made some more pies!"

It was 10PM.

"Uhh... Maybe you should go tommorow? It's kinda late..."

"Okay. But I'm still making more pies!"

So, she went off into the kitchen again, and he just sighed and went upstairs to his evil layer. Ahem... So...

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**THE NEXT DAY... AGAIN!**

"BYE, SEPHIROTH!" Aeris shouted, grabbing her jacket and the car keys. "I'M GOING TO SEE THE PSYCHIATRIST! I'LL BE BACK SOON!"

No reply. But she didn't care. She just walked out of the house.

Okay, so, these guys have an AWESOME car... AWESOME! It's like... When you're a standard car, and you drive past like... A car showroom, with really REALLY awesome cars, that are SHINY and have convertable roofs! And you're like 'OMG! I WISH I HAD ONE OF THOSE **AWESOME **CARS!', except they really DO have an AWESOME car! IT'S THE FINAL FANTASY VERSION OF A PORSHE! And... AAANNNDDD...! IT'S BLACK! Okay, so it's Sephiroth's car. But Aeris doesn't have one, so I guess they have one between them. Meep. Anyhoo, she hopped right into the comfy leather driver's seat and sped off! But sensibly. Ooooooookayyy... Let's skip to what the Sephiroth FC and Reno are doing.

Well, they were outside the house, in the back yard, which is pretty cool, by the way. The girls were sticking Reno to the wall, so that he could climb up to the master bedroom.

"It's all up to you." Mary-Sue said, helping him up. "Wreck EVERYTHING."

"Are you sure that this is the right way to get revenge, or whatever you Americans want?" Reno asked.

"YES!" They all replied.

"Alright, ladies! Tally-ho!"

He began the ascent towards the window. Well, he moved one hand, then he jumped off.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?" Mary-Sue yelled.

"Terribly sorry. I just cannot do something like this." Reno said, and then he walked away and decided to go back to the Shinra building and never speak of the event again.

"OH! So not even the Turks will help?" OC excalimed. "They're not the Turks! More like... THE JERKS!"

Mary-Sue suddenly looked like she was in a crazy concentrating phase!

"Uh... President?" Fan Girl asked.

"Don't worry." Mary-Sue said malevolently. "I HAVE A PLAN B!"

Then, the three girls laughed manically and went back to the Shinra building. And that's the end of THAT chapter!

Time to...

**BASS IT!**

Okay, so I barely gave you any time for FAQ questions. But, please ask some. Ask me, or the characters ANYTHING you want to ask! ANYTHING! Please! I really need some from you nice people! PLEASE!

(Listening to Pokémon theme)

GOTTA CATCH 'EM AAAALLLLL!


	3. Tifa Makes A Brief Appearance

**UNDYING PIE**

_There is no SANE explanation to the title, really. It was adapted from my story Undying Storm, but only because it was an AeriSeph fic, and so is this... Kind of... Ha! And also... Aeris makes alot of pies and cookies... Well, enjoy a very random and practically pointless story! Ciao!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own FF. Live with it._

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**CHAPTER THREE - TIFA MAKES A BRIEF APPEARANCE**

Elmyra was still trying to kill herself, so she decided to do the VERY stupid thing of ice skating in the Icicle Area, ON A CLIFF!

"Oh no..." She said sarcastically, gliding towards the edge.

She was heading towards her doom, when suddenly, Barrett was giving a demonstration of the effects of global warming, to try and teach those Shinra freaks a lesson in what their Mako energy is doing to the Planet! So, he switched his crazy gun-arm for a FLAMETHROWER, and melted away ALL the ice in that part! INCLUDING the part that Elmyra was ice skating on. So, the ice melted, and suddenly, she stopped, and fell back, due to the ice skates, onto plain old ground! And she was SO CLOSE to the edge!

"Oh! Hey Elmyra!" Barrett said, waving. "LOOK! I'm showing Shinra what the effects of global warming are! I'm like... A HIPPY! GROOVY!"

Elmyra, in fury, unzipped her ice skates, and threw them off the cliff, before trying to ignore Barrett, and storming off.

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The doorbell rang, so Sephiroth went to answer the door. Why? Well... It seemed like the logical thing to do...

...He looked outside, and standing there were... ALL THE OTHER FINAL FANTASY VILLAINS (that I know of)! YAY!

"Hey, Sephiroth!" Kefka said.

"Uh... Hi guys... What're you all doing here?"

"We were wondering if you were going to come back and finish... You know... The Evil Hair product story in the FF Crossovers section?" Kuja asked.

"Oh. Right. That story..." Sephiroth said. "Uhh... I'm sorry, I don't feel like continuing with that right now. Maybe later."

"Okay. We kan do stuff to konsume our time, kan't we?" Ultimecia said.

"Indeed." Seymour said in his ritzy voice.

"I like ponies!" Shuyin said, seeing as he didn't really have anything to say.

So, they left, and Sephiroth went back inside...

...When...!

Nothing happened. He just went back inside. Seeing as nothing ELSE important is happening here, let's just go to Aeris!

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Welletsseewellletsseewellletssee... She was at the Psychiatric place, in the waiting room, waiting for her session. There were LOTS of weirdos there. Now, I did some research, and those funny rabbit-koala-cabbage-patch-kids from FFIX are called TaruTarus. There were PLENTY of them there! There were also other crazy retards from other Final Fantasies... Tidus, Wakka and Quina, to name a few! Aeris was hiding from the pyschopaths bhind a magazine that she picked up...

The magazine was Yevon weekly. The main headline... See more of Seymour!

"Aeris Gainsborough?" The lovely psychiatrist lady said. "Come in, please."

Oh, yeah... Aeris never changed her name after she got married, seeing as how Sephiroth doesn't really have a surname. Or, maybe he does. Maybe Sephiroth IS his surname... And he has some kind of ridiculous first name that he NEVER reveals. Well... Seeing as Hojo was his father, I'm guessing... It was the latter. Eeeps... So, Aeris is still plain old Miss Gainsborough! Actually... It's Ms now, I guess. It's only one tick box away!

Basically, she went inside, and lay down on the big... Lying down... Chair thing. The pyschiatrist sat at the side of her.

"So, why don't you tell me what's wrong?" The pyschiatrist asked in a very soothing voice.

"Well, lately, I just can't stop baking pies and cookies!" Aeris said, to put it simply.

"Oh... Do you know why?"

"I think it's because there's something missing. I feel incomplete. Something is MISSING from my life!"

"Uh... Huh..." The pyschiatrist said, taking notes on her notpad. "So, why don't you tell me about your life? Start with your Father."

"My Father is dead." Aeris said promptly. "I can't really remember him."

"Oh... Did your Mother ever tell you anything about him?"

"She said he was a nice man. And then she died too. But she was nice, as well. She left me with whom I now refer to as my Mom."

"I see..."

She wrote more notes.

"Can you tell me about her?"

"Well, she looked after me, and she's nice."

"...What else?"

"Well, to be PREFECTLY honest, in the last year or so, she... She's turned into a rotten suicidal bitch!"

"Huh...?"

The pyschiatrist took more notes, and Aeris ranted on for AGES about Elmyra, and how she hated Zack, and how she hated Cloud for being like Zack, and how she hated Sephiroth for being a danger to HER OWN health, never mind Aeris's! She explained that it was because of SOLDIER, and Elmyra was just looking out for her because of the whole SOLDIER-Shinra-Science thing. Then she came to the conclusion that everything beginnig with **S **was what Elmyra hated, except now she had taken up suicide, so she guessed not.

"Why does she want to kill herself, then?" The psychiatrist asked, because even though she was supposed to have been listening, Aeris had a serious case of motor mouth when it came to stuff like this.

"Well..." Aeris said, going BACK into the DETAIL of the whole thing. "It all began when I told her Sephiroth and I were getting married..."

Then, she explained the whole entire Sephiroth-marriage-Elmyra-hates-me-because-of-it thing.

"Okay. So, basically she isn't happy for you?"

"Exactly."

The psychiatrist wrote on her note pad.

"Very interesting..."

"W-WHAT ARE YOU WRITING?"

"Notes." The pyschiatrist said prmoptly.

"WHAT ABOUT?"

"Well, about what you just told me about."

"PAH?"

"Don't worry. This is entirely confidential."

So, Aeris left the psychiatrists with 'You should also go to marriage counciliing'. Which she ignored. For now. Then she went home. Well, actually, she wasn't pleased with the councilling thing, so she stromed out and drove like a maniac WAY over the limit home.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, the Sephiroth FC had just hired someone to spy on Aeris, and possibly take pictures of Sephiroth, for their own pleasure, really. Sigh... They could just use Google Image search! But I guess they wanted to avoid fanart... And the many AeriSeph pics displayed on a Google Image search.

Who?

No other than...

CAIT SITH!

Well, no. Cait Sith was on vacation, so they had to get the next best thing.

No other than...

DAWG SITH!

He was like Cait Sith, but instead of a stupid cat on a mechanical Moogle, he was a stupid dog on a mechanical Moomba. Yeah... DAWG SITH! Hahahahaha!

"Sure. I'll spy on them." Dawg Sith agreed. "I'll even throw in information on what they do that ISN'T IN THE STORY!"

"Okay, remember, you're an important part of our Plan B, and Plans C and D are our absolute LAST RESORTS!" Mary-Sue said. "Good luck, and try to bring back as much information as possible."

"Will do." Dawg Sith said, and then he scuttled off to go do some spyin'!

------------------------------------------------------------------

This is where we say... AERIS IS HOME! YAY! (Intentional rhyme)

"Oh. Good. You're back." Sephiroth said, not actually sounding that interested about her... Being back. "Where'd you go again?"

"To the psychiatrist." Aeris replied angrily, throwing her jacket into the cupboard and stuffing the car keys into the key holding draw (I guess). "She said I sould go to 'marriage councilling', whatever THAT means!"

So, he watched he strom over to the phone.

"I need REAL help. I'm calling Tifa."

And who did she ring but... THE MAFIA! No, just kidding. Aeris is saving the Mafia card for a later date. She rang... TIFA! YAY!

"Hello. 7th Heaven." Tifa said dully.

Let me tell you something about Tifa. She's been dating Vincent! WOO! I'm a VinTif fan! Well, Cloud was dead, and she didn't really want to date one of the SHM or a member of the Turks, so she was all like 'WOO! VINCENT! YAY!' (See FFVII: What Really Happened for details on that, too). But, because of his... Dark aura... She's been modified. Now, the sweet optimistic bar hostess we all loved became the silent, dull bar hostess we all... Still love! She is now Tifa Lockheart... THE GOTH!

"TTTTTTTTTIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIFFFFFFFFFFFAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!" Aeris whined. "I REALLY REALLY REALLY RRRREEEEEEAAAAAAAALLLLLLLYYYYYYYY NEED YOUR HELP!"

"Okay. What about?" Tifa asked, very... Unoptimistically.

"LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... I WENT TO SEE A PSYCHIATRIST TODAY... RIGHT? AND, LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... "

We don't really need to have Sephiroth standing there like a spare part for the rest of this scene, so he just went back up to his evil layer, to avoid the 'LIKE... LIKE...LIKE...'ness that was Aeris sounding like the broken record of the friggin' world!

"Aeris?" Tifa said, trying to stop her. "You're doing that thing where you're really confused and angry and then you start repeating words like... Well... Like."

"OKAY! OKAY! THE CRAZY PYSCHIATRIST LADY SAID I SHOULD GO TO MARRIAGE COUNCILLING AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT THE HELL THAT IS AND I REALLY FEEL LIKE I'M ABOUT TO IMPLODE OR SOMETHING BECAUSE ALL I CAN EVER DO IS BAKE PIES AND COOKIES AND I FEEL INCOMPLETE AND YOU KNOW WHAT? WHAT ABOUT LIKE TV KINDA RUINING YOUR LIVES AND MONEY AND STUFF LIKE THAT THAT'S PRETTY COOL AND COLD TOAST! COLD TOAST IS ABSOLUTLY RANK! WITH COLD BUTTER, LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE... LIKE..."

"AERIS!" Tifa boomed, after holding the reciever at arm's length and STILL being able to hear her garble on. "SHUT UP ALREADY!"

"Okies..." Aeris said quietly, curling up into a ball. "So, what should I do?"

"Uh... Go to the councilling?" She suggested. Tifa didn't REALLY know what to do, but seeing as the psychiatrist had said so, that was what she presumed was the best thing.

"Ummmmm... AAAAAIIIIIIIIIEEEEEEEEEE!" Aeris yelled. "Okay! I'll go!"

She suddenly lit up.

"Thanks for your help Tifa! You're a good friend, you know! So, whenever I need Tifa Lockheart's MAGICAL helping powers, I'll ring you again! BYE!"

Then she put the reciever down before Tifa coukd say ANYTHING in return. Then she went into the kitchen, and in the duration of two minutes, she had arleady made... Like... sixty pies. Anyway, remember Dawg Sith from before? He had just caught everything Aeris had said from 'Okies' to 'BYE!' And since he thought it was important, he went back to the Shinra building to tell the Sephiroth FC.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Ah... So, she's going somewhere?" Mary-Sue said. "I wonder where..."

"PRESIDENT!" OC said, searching Google for Tifa Lockheart. "I found her! I found Tifa Lockheart!"

Well, actually, OC had found a page that was a Tifa hate shrine. It displayed her as a subject of... EVIL! Actually, it was probably an old Cloud fan site, seeing as Aeris was being hated there too. The page was black and gothic looking, and it had a crazy creepy image of Aeris sat in a big scary throne, laughing manically, behind a large image of Tifa in a black Sourceress's robe, with crazy lightining in that background and SKULLS! It was... SCARY ART WORK! It was labled 'Tifa the Sourceress and Aeris the Witch'.

"WOW! That explains alot!" Mary-Sue excalimed. "Tifa must be a dark Sourceress, working with Aeris and helping her to develop her OWN powers! HAHAHAHAH! It all fits with what you said, Dawg Sith!"

She laughed manically.

"I'VE DECIDED!"

"Decided what, President?" Fan Girl asked.

"Wer'e going to find Tifa the Sourceress and TAKE HER DOWN! AHAHAHA!"

Dawg Sith backed away slowly, as the girls began to laugh evilly together. Ooohh... Dark plotting!

And so, the plan was to find Tifa and destroy her, so that Aeris's powers were also taken out. Of course, this is another example of dramatic irony, seeing as we know that neither Aeris or Tifa have dark powers! IT WAS JUST A HATE SITE! But, we'll just have to leave those obsessed girlies to find that out themselves, as we...

**BASS IT!**

FAQ! There is an FAQ here! (waves arms about to draw attention to it) YOU CAN ASK QUESTIONS! I WANT QUESTIONS TO ANSWER! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! Anything! ANY QUESTION THAT POPS INTO YOUR HEAD! It's just a little bit of harmless fun to go after the Bass It!

I DID get ONE question. It wasn't stated for the FAQ, but I may as well put it up here anyway. It's from BrokenAngel(13), who has now reviewed three of my fics in total! YAY! (Lots of praise)

**Just how much sugar did you get into before you wrote this story?**

ArcBus: About thrity-five tablespoons. The equivilant as lemonade.

So, anyway... please...

DONATE TO THE FAQ! DONATE TO THE FAQ! DONATE TO THE FAQ!

Oh... And donate to your local charity, too.


	4. Bio3 In A Can

**UNDYING PIE**

_There is no SANE explanation to the title, really. It was adapted from my story Undying Storm, but only because it was an AeriSeph fic, and so is this... Kind of... Ha! And also... Aeris makes alot of pies and cookies... Well, enjoy a very random and practically pointless story! Ciao!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own FF. Live with it. J'ai aussi don't own Fruits Basket. _

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**CHAPTER FOUR - BIO3 IN A CAN**

The Sephiroth FC, the very next day, had planned a Plan B2. They were still on Plan B, technically, but this was an important addition, so... You know... B2! Like B-4-U! B! B! B! B-4-U! Could it be that you wanna be jus' like me? Ahem...Well, they did some more research, and they decided to go to the 7th Heaven to take Tifa out, so that she wouldn't fuel Aeris's EVILNESS! Apparently...

Time for a Fruits Basket parody!

OOOOOOOOOooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

I was so happy when you smiled! Your smile breaks TTTTTHHHHHHHRRRRRROOOOOOOOOUUUUUUUGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHH the clouds of GGGGGRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEYYYYYYYYYY! Ahem...

"The four of us are here to carry out part of our ultimate mission..." Mary-Sue said, once they reached the slums. "OPERATION: DESTROY AERIS THE WITCH!"

And then... IT WAS DAYDREAMING TIME! Wuh-oh...

"The Sephiroth Fan Club." A voice of hallucination said, displaying many millions of screaming girls. "An unofficial organisation that has spread across the world of Final Fantasy maniacs. When the club was initially founded, it was simply to display love for the great General of Shinra, but over time, it grew to become large obsessions, as in 'Don't go getting the jump on me, you bitch!'; having Sephiroth for their very own. In that regard, the club's motto is 'We shall prevail'."

"Hail to Sephiroth." Mary-Sue said.

Then they all prayed to a random Sephiroth shrine. I dunno... The scenes are switching pretty fast here. Mary-Sue got up, whipped out a video camera, and recorded Sephiroth through the windows of the Shinra buiding and the house. Why? She already had that crazy shrine... With pictures... And candles... And flowers and hearts and SHOJO SPARKLES! She really can't get enough of that guy!

"Ahhhh... He's even more radiant than ever. What am I saying? He is more readiant EVERY DAY! It's just his natural STUNNING RADIANCE shining through!"

"President?" OC asked. "Can we go back to the slums now?"

"No..." Mary-Sue said, because she didn't want the hallucination to end!

Suddenly... The door opened. And Reno walked in.

"Good God, you mindless hussies!" He excalimed, brandishing a china cup of hot tea, with creamy milk and NO SUGAR! "Stop that pathetic shrine stuff and get the fuck out of here! NOW!"

"Yes, Reno..." They all moaned.

Then, he shut the door, and suddenly, they were back in the slums, looking for the 7th Heaven.

"I have dedicated most of my time to making the Sephiroth Fan Club a success." Mary-Sue said, the camera pointing towards OC. "And SHE'S runing EVERYTHING."

OC was holding up a picture of Aeris haging from gallows, with blood, and a sword stuck through her. Fan art, of course.

"It's clear. Aeris is a witch! And she used her EVIL spell on our beloved Sephiroth and made him fall in love with her!"

Then, Mary-Sue bent over backwards like she always did, and recorded the slums... Upside down.

"Please! Stop!" OC excalimed, walking infront of the camera. "We just have to get that witch away from Sephiroth! Before it's too late!"

"So... Uhh... Explain again." Fan Girl said, also going to the camera shot. "Why are we going to Tifa's 7th Heaven?"

"Well..." Mary-Sue said, almost fallign over.

They supported her again, holding her back up.

"Before we can stop Aeris the witch, we need to destroy the source of her dark powers." Mary-Sue explained.

Then... GASP! They had printed out the creepy picture from the last chapter! OC held it up to the camera. On it, Aeris was sat in a creepy chair, and Tifa was waering a dark, creepy robe looking like a Level 60 Black Mage. But you knew that already.

"The She-Devil - Tifa the Sourceress!" Mary-Sue continued.

"YEAH!" OC excalimed. "Other friends that Aeris has are human, so they're a pinch to take care of! But... TIFA! She's some kind of SUPERHUMAN! I don't know how we can stop her!"

Of course, they only had that piece of fan art to base their predictions on. And also what Dawg Sith had reported to them. But, they didn't have any REAL evidence to back up the suggestion that Tifa was evil...

"Yes. It will be dangerous." Mary-Sue said, standing and properly recording the other two. "We cannot attack the Sourceress blindly. We must (have Dark Ward equipment) act carefully! But we will prevail... Plan B2 - Operation: Infiltrate the Sourceress's Layer will succeed!"

She swished the camera around to record herself.

"Once we have discovered her weakness, we can protect ourselves against the darkness! AND we can protect our Sephiroth against the witch, AERIS!"

She then switched it off.

"GANBATTO!" She yelled.

"YES, PRESIDENT!" OC and Fan Girl yelled, saluting. Hahahahaha!

Just so you know, 'Ganbatto' means 'Do your best', or 'Go for it' in Japanese.

------------------------------------------------------------------

So, they searched for the 7th Heaven. Fan Girl was wearing that CRAZY frog hat, with a secret camera in it!

"Ummm... Do you guys know what the 7th Heaven actually looks like?" She asked.

Then, they stopped... Dead... And their faces turned PALLID like they had seen a ghost... Or they WERE ghosts! How fitting, seeing as they suddenly pictures... A CRAZY CREEPY MANSION! A HUGE TOWER, WITH A GRAVEYARD! AND A SKULL AT THE TOP! And... LOTS OF CRAZY CREEPY RAVENS! AND THUNDER IN THE BACKGROUND! AAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! But, we all know that the 7th Heaven's NOTHING like that.

"Umm... President?" OC asked as they began walking again. "What if it was REALLY like that?"

"We'd run away, I suppose!" Mary-Sue laughed uneasily.

"Oh! We're here!" Fan Girl said, pointing to the 7th Heaven.

It was just a... Regular place. the plain old 7th Heaven. What did YOU expect? The crazy creepy mansion! HAHAHAHA!

"IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL!" They all said, crying with happiness Anime-style.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Inside, the bar was full, so the girls were having a hard time looking for Tifa.

"Excuse me." Tifa said, going up to them.

They all turned around and it was TIFA! GASP! SHOCK HORROR! ARGH! WOW! OMG! ARGH! SCARY!

"Y-Yes?" Mary-Sue asked, looking quite freaked out.

"I'm sorry. But the bar is full..."

"Oh, oh! W-We're not here for drinks! We're looking for Tifa, the owner of this establishment!"

"That's me..." Tifa said, looking insanely... GOTHIC!

"Ahh... HA!" Mary-Sue squeaked. "W-We're f-f-f-from the Shinra d-developing... D-Development! W-We r-r-really need to talk to you!"

"Very well, then. Come downstairs." Tifa said, leading them to that CRAZY pinball machine! "Just press that button there. I will be down in a minute."

"O-Okay!" The FC said, standing up straight.

Mary-Sue pressed the button, and then the platform went down, and, of course, they yelped in shock. Suprisingly, no one in the bar even glanced at them. Tifa went over to Barrett in the corner.

"Barrett, please can you cover for me?" She asked. "I need to talk to the 'development' people."

"WHAT THE HELL? I AIN'T NO GODDAMN BAR HOSTESS! THAT'S YOUR JOB!" Barrett yelled.

"If you don't, I will start a Swear Jar for you."

"ALRIGHT! ALRIGHT! I'M GOING!"

He went behind the bar... And who was sitting there but... ELMYRA! As well as... You know... A load of other people. They were all crowded at the bar.

"Oh, hey Elmyra!" He said. "Want a drink?"

"Scotch. On the rocks. With a twist." Elmyra said.

Barrett prepared one of those, seeing as... WOW! he can mix drinks! Tifa probably showed him how. Anyway, that was when Elmyra got out the last of her RAT POISON! (aka. Bio3 in a can) GASP! And, when he put the drink on the bar, she POURED IT ALL IN! GASP! But then, once she had done that, and there was no poison left, Barrett went right back up to her.

"Sorry, Elmyra. Wrong one." He said. "Scotch on the rocks with a twist? This guy got yours and you got his."

So, he took the poisoned stuff and switched it for a scotch on the rocks with a twist. She gaped. GAPED, I SAY! The dude began to drink the poisoned liquid, and Elmyra hit her head against the bar. And so did the unfortunate guy when the poison kicked in.

"CRAP!"

Anyway, Tifa had gone upstairs to do.. Whatever... Whilst the FC was down in the hideout, which wasn't used a hideout anymore, searching for suspicious stuff.

"This room seems normal, too." Fan Girl said. "Well, apart from this weird equipment... But it doesn't look... SOURCERESS weird."

"SHHHH!" OC excalimed. "Be quiet and look!"

"Anything goes." Mary-Sue said. "Diaries, photos, poems..."

"POEMS?" The other two gasped. "Those'll be scary!"

"Search EVERYWHERE!" Mary-Sue continued, coming to a cupboard.

She slid the door open, and sitting in the darkness was... A little boy. A CREEPY little boy. Wearing all black. It was... DENZEL! YAY! But... THE GOTHIC DENZEL! WOO! Slowly, she shut the cupboard door...

"Thank you for waiting." Tifa said, appearing randomly.

"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Mary-Sue exclaimed, jumping back. "T-T-T-T-T-T-T-T-TIFA! T-T-THERE'S S-S-S-SOMETHING IN THAT CUPBOARD!"

"Ah. Yes. That's just Denzel. He likes to hang around here." Tifa said. "Denzel? Come out and say hello to our guests."

Denzel slid the door open. He spoke in the same dull tone as Tifa.

"... ...Hello..."

_'He's SSSSOOOOOOO creepy!' _Mary-Sue thought, shaking. _'CREEPIER THAN SHE IS!'_

"You're not anyone I know..." Denzel said. "Who are you? Tifa, are these new friends of yours?"

"No. They're from the Shinra department of Development." Tifa replied.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyhoo, Denzel came out to sit with the girls. What a lucky little dude! Well, there was tea that Tifa had made, so... I'm guessing he likes tea!

"So, uummm... What are your interests?" Mary-Sue asked.

"Interests?" Tifa repeated.

"Yeah! Like, we wanna help you develop around your interests, soo..."

"DO YOU HAVE A WEAKNESS?" Fan Girl blurted out alluvasudden.

"Shhhhhuuuuuuuuuuuuuuttttttttttttttt UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP!" Yelled OC, smacking her over the head.

"Weakness?" Tifa repeated again. "Well, I do have one..."

"YOU DO?" The FC asked with sparkly eyes.

"Hmmm... My intuition tells me you came for something more than development plans... Are you trying to take someone out?"

"N-NO FAIR!" Mary-Sue excalimed, stumbling back. "YOU READ OUR MINDS! YOU SOURCERESS!"

"Sourceress...? No, I don't have any powers."

"YES YOU DO! AND YOU'RE FUELING THE GREAT EVILNESS OF AERIS THE WITCH, TOO!"

"Nor is Aeris a witch." Tifa said, taking a sip of her tea.

"YES SHE IS! AND SHE'S USING HER DARK POWERS ON SEPHIROTH!"

"I highly doubt it..." Tifa said, now just raising an eyebrow.

"Hey... Are you girls like... Sephiroth fans?" Denzel asked.

They all looked at him strangley.

"HE READ OUR MINDS, TOO!" OC screamed.

Suddenly, there was silence again, until the FC was... TOTALLY FREAKED OUT!

Outside, a young boy was reading a Manga, and singing along to the Anime's theme.

"TODAY AS ALWAY, OFF GOES ARI! NO MATTER WHAT COMES UP HE WILL TRUDGE ON THROUGH! (MOGETA!)"

Suddenly, the FC BURST OUT OF THE DOORS OF THE 7TH HEAVEN AT A HIGH SPEED, AND RIGHT PAST THE LITTLE DUDE! He watched them kick up dust as they ran off into the winding ways of the slums! AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!

"Did I do something wrong?" Denzel asked, as the scene switched back to the hideout.

"No. You did very well." Tifa said, putting her hand on his shoulder.

PAH-HA HA HA! He scared the shit outta those girls!

------------------------------------------------------------------

Later on, at the Shinra building...

"Chop-chop..." Reno said, clapping for attention. "Get back to work!"

He walked off, and the FC, almost in tears after the unsuccessfulness of Plan B2, ignored him and prayed to the Sephiroth shrine for forgiveness.

"DAMMIT!" Mary-Sue said. "Now we'll have to go onto Plan C! And that's the hardest one to pull off! So we'll need a few days to plan it properly!"

She then screamed at the top of her voice.

"IT'S DISLOYAL TO OUR DARLING SEPHIROTH, TOO!"

Uh... When were ANY of their crazy plot schemes loyal to Sephiroth? Anyhoo, brandishing the binoculars, she waltzed over to the window.

"He is... Everything... To me." Mary-Sue said. "I will not rest..."

OC and Fan Girl stood behind her in a 'declaration to the world' scene.

"I WILL NOT REST UNTIL AERIS IS DESTROYED!"

DUN-DUN-DDDDDDUUUUUUUNNNNNNNN! GASP! NO! CLIFFHANGER!

Cliffhanger? Oh yes. That means it's time to...

**BASS IT!**

I didn't get any questions... I barely gave anyone any time... But there is hope! Tishannia, if you're reading this, is your question ready? Do you have one? (Teary eyes writing up more of the real Undying Storm listening to Rikki's version of Aeris's Theme.) IT'S SO SAD AND WHAT I'M WRITING IS SO GODDAMN TRAGIC!

Aeris: Why can't you understand?

Cloud: I understand fine... He will suffer... Later. Your time is now...

Aeris: NO! NO! CLOUD, DON'T DO THIS!

DUN-DUN-DDDDDDDUUUUUUUUNNNNN!


	5. We Like The Moon

**UNDYING PIE**

_There is no SANE explanation to the title, really. It was adapted from my story Undying Storm, but only because it was an AeriSeph fic, and so is this... Kind of... Ha! And also... Aeris makes alot of pies and cookies... Well, enjoy a very random and practically pointless story! Ciao!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own FF. Live with it. _

------------------------------------------------------------------

**CHAPTER FIVE - CLOUD'S CORNER**

That's right. This chapter is dedicated to Cloud. Why? Because he died in the first scene of the first chapter, so he deserves a WHOLE chapter, dedeicated to his wonderful... CLOUD-NESS!

CLOUDU! YAY!

So, like... What if Cloud didn't die? Would he have joined forces with the Sephiroth FC? IMAGINATION SEQUENCE!

Sephiroth was randomly... Standing... Around. Let's say, he was at a bus stop, and he lit a cigarette. Does he smoke? I dunno. Let's just say so for the purpose of this 'What If...?' scene. Anyway, suddenly, he heard a familiar voice yelling.

"SSSSSEEEEEEEEPPPPPPPHHHHIIIIIIRRRRRRROOOOOTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHH!"

His attention turned to Cloud running up the street! YAY! Except... He was wearing the dress he wore to Don Corneo's mansion... And brandishing a pen. Uh-oh.

"SEPHIROTH!" Cloud yelled, waving the pen about.

"Oh, crap." Sephiroth said, the cigarette falling from his mouth. You can imagine the look on his face. Kinda like when Cloud killed him with OmniSlash, but more... Distorted in an OMGZORZ way.

"SEPHIROTH! SEPHIROTH! SIGN MY PANTIES!"

As you can imagine, Sephiroth got away as fast as he could!

So, here's another imagination sequence. What if... Like... Cloud and Sephiroth switched places, and Cloud summoned Meteor? And he brandished the Black Materia like 'WWWWOOOO! BLACK MATERIA! WOO!' So, then Meteor came, Aeris was dead... No, let's say she wasn't dead. Let's say... Yuffie was dead instead. So, Aeris was pretty much Tifa, and Tifa was pretty much Yuffie, and Yuffie was pretty much Aeris. The others were... like... Themselves... But except, like, Cloud was Sephiroth and Sephiroth was Cloud. Yeeaahhh... That about sums it up. So, after the Junon escape, Sephiroth was like CRAZY because he had MAKO POISONING! GASP! And at the clinic in Mideel...

"I WANNA STAY HERE!" Aeris declared to the whole world.

"Wow. If Aeris were my nurse, I'd happily switch places with Seph!" Cait Sith said.

Oh, CAIT SITH, you horny... Stuffed... Cat... Thingy! Anyway, Barrett was just about to bust in and yell...

"GET OFF YER SPIKEY YELLOW ASS AND GIT SAVIN' THE FRIGGIN' WORLD!"

But that only applies to Cloud, so instead, Barrett was all...

"GIT OUT HERE AN' BEAT UP WEAPON!"

Meanwhile, there were political debates within Shinra. But they don't really matter right now.

"Mamma-Mia!" Mario yelled, pointing towards Meteor. "That's-a spicy meatball!"

So, EVENTUALLY, SOMEHOW, Aeris and Sephiroth fell into the Lifestream, and there was a whole crazy TORCHING OF NIBELHEIM thingymibob, and that's when Cloud woke up and it was all a crazy dream. Suddenly, this chapter started... FOR REAL!

------------------------------------------------------------------

**CHAPTER FIVE - WE LIKE THE MOON**

Of course, now that Tifa had told her to, Aeris had made an appointment to see the councelling people. That's two psychiatrict places in one week! Aeris, you MUST be a psychopath! Well, let's just flick back in time to when she was searching through the Yellow Pages for somewhere to go...

"Councelling and advic-- FOUND IT!"

Whilst scanning through, she found lots of weird and creepy places listed that weird and creepy people went to stop them from being weird and creepy! There was the Alcohol and Drugs service, Anger Management Solutions, alot of C listings beginning with coucelling, when suddenly she though _'Oh my God what the hell am I doing?' _and slammed the big yellow book SHUT! And then she lifted the phone from the reciever and rang... TIFA! Argh...

"Hello. 7th Heaven." Tifa said dully. Déjavu or WHAT?

"Tifa! TIFA! I-It's me! A-Aeris again! L-Listen... A-About what you said about the councelling... I-I'm not really too sure about it, I mean, I don't wanna be labled as a crazy person!"

But, of course, she had already been to the psychiatrists and labled herself as a crazy person. Or, she already appeared in this story and was automatically labled a crazy person then and there! Haha!

"...It's not about being crazy. It's about realtionship problems." Tifa said, actually sounding quite angry that Aeris had called her AGAIN!

"B-B-B-BUT... I-I DON'T WANNA...! AAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"JUST RING A GODDAMN PLACE AND NEVER EVER CALL ME AGAIN FOR HELP!"

Then, Tifa just hung up. Who can blame her? Aeris stood there for a while, but then realised and placed the reciever down, presuming that the line broke and they were having signal problems, or something like that.

"Dammit..." Tifa said, the scene switching to the 7th Heaven alluvasudden. "I forgot to tell her about the fans... Oh well..."

Anyhoo, so, like, Aeris took a deep breath, grabbed the Yellow Pages and whent running up stairs with it, into the evil layer, ignoring all the KEEP OUT signs.

"SEPHIROTH!" She yelled. "I need help! I RREEEAALLLLLLYYYYYYYY need help!"

"Yeah. What?" Sephiroth said, sounding very uninterested seeing as how he was on GTA and still trying to figure out a revenge plan on Shinra.

"Well, Tifa said I should try calling a marriage councelling place and--"

"MARRIAGE COUNCELLING?" He exclamied. "No! NO NO NO NO NOO!"

"What? What's wrong?"

By the way, she did mention it before, a few chapters ago, but that doesn't mean he was actuallylistening.

"NO! Just... No! NEVER! YOU WILL **NEVER **DRAG ME INTO COUNCELLING! **NEHVEHR**!"

"What? So, if I ring... YOU HAVE TO COME WITH ME?"

"YES! SO NO! NO NO NO DON'T!"

"Okay... Okay... I won't..."

So, she walked out, shutting the door behind her, and he resumed... Shooting randomly. But then, she ran RIGHT downstairs, flicked through the Yellow Pages and rang a place affectionatly called 'Marriage Care'. And then she made an appointment, and we can skip ahead a little bit.

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**4.30PM, THE NEXT DAY...**

"Aeris..." Sephiroth said very blankly as she pulled him out of the door. "You didn't make an appointment to go to the councelling place... Did you?"

"No! NO! We're really going SHOPPING!" She said, very... Optimistically.

But he saw right through it.

"No, because tommorow's the day you ALWAYS go shopping." He said, seeing as it was Tuesday and Aeris always goes shopping on Wednesdays.

"Uh... Well... I wanna go a little earlier this week."

"...Okay, so whcih one are we going to?"

"Uhhh... The ChocoboMart?"

"You got an appointment, didn't you?"

"...Yeah..."

Obliviously, he just went right out of the door and got into the car. In the driver's seat. Aeris hopped in the passenger's side... Of his best friend's ride... Tryin' to holla at me. Oh, I don't want no... AHEM!

"So... Uhhh... Where are we going?" She asked.

"Anywhere but the councelling place." He replied promptly.

She started to panick, but then thought of a GREAT way to get him to go there. As they set off...

"Hey, so, like... If we're not going, then I know what I'll do whilst waiting for us to go somewhere else!" She said.

"...What...?"

Aeris drew in a deep breath, then started singing! YAY!

"Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the s--"

"AAAAAARRGGGGGGHHHHHHHHH! STOP THAT!" He yelled.

"...ky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky!" She continued nevertheless.

"OKAY! OKAY!" Sephiroth shouted. "I'LL GO TO THE GODDAMN THING ALREADY! JUST... STOP SINGING!"

"Yay!" Aeris exclaimed, stopping the annoying song, but then she had a weird urge to continue. "Actually, if I move on with the song can I sing it? I mean, I really LIKE the song..."

"Gah... Fine..."

"YAY!" She squealed, and then sang the song from the beginning, though she forgot some of the words and just inserted 'la' wherever she could. "I'm searchin' for a man, la-la-la-la-laa, just to find you Samu-Samurai... Ai-ai, I am your little butterfly! Green, black and blue make the colours in the sky! Yes I need, I need my Samura--"

"THAT'S NOT HOW THE SONG GOES!"

"Oh, yeah! Hehehe... I'm searchin' in the woods, in the neighbourhoods, for some frozen goods, and high upon the hills, without any frills, takin' illegal pills, just to find you, find my Samurai. Someone who--"

"That's not how it goes either!"

"Ohh..."

"(Sigh) Just sing a different song instead..."

"Hmmm... Okay!"

So, she decided to sing another song. That wasn't by Aqua.

"We like the MOON, coz it is CLOSE to us! We like the MMMMMMMMOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONNNNNNNNNNNN, but not as much as the SPOON, coz that's more use for eating soup and a fork isn't very useful for that unless it has got many vegetables, and then you might be better off with a CHOP-STICK!"

"NOT THAT SONG EITHER!"

"Okay, it doesn't matter anyway, cause we're HHHHHEEEEERRRRRREEEEEE!"

And, yes, they were at the crazy Marriage Care place. After a while, the scene just changed, JUST LIKE THAT, to the waiting room! Yay!

"If anyone asks for our names..." Sephiroth said, hiding behind a magazine. "I'm Joseph Stalin, you're... Uh... Encyclopedic World Dictionary!"

Aeris sighed.

"Look. Let's just go in and get it over with, okay?" She said, sounding quite annoyed.

"Fine..."

Even though there wasn't really anyone else there, they still had to wait. Why? Because I said so! So, after a while, they were getting pretty bored, so Sephiroth just hit Aeris with the magazine...

"Oww!"

And about a millisecond later...

"HE ATTACKED HIS WIFE!" A councellor yelled, and then he jumped out from behind where they were sat and PINNED HIM TO THE FLOOR! "NO WONDER YOU'RE HERE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

Suddenly, a tranquilizing dart flew across the room and hit the councellor in the neck. He fell down, knocked out.

"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Sephiroth shouted, standing up.

"Sorry about him." The REAL councelling dude said, standing at a door, brandishing a dart gun. "He's just a possessed lunatic who used to work here, and went crazy after he was fired. If he sees any violence, he'll snap right away."

The weirdo's leg twitched slightly, and Aeris gaped.

"Wow. There sure are alot of strange people in these types of places." She eventually said.

"Yes." The councelling dude, who we'll just call Doctor Tonberry. I know that in the What Really Happened stories, the plastic surgeon is Doctor Moogle, and he actually IS a Moogle, but Doctor Tonberry is different. He USED to be a Tonberry, but now he's a human! YAY! The legendary Level 99 White Mage once came to visit him and used her powers to change him into a human! WOW! AMAZING! And also PLOT-SUPPORTING! "Well, anyway, if you'd like to come in..."

So, they went inside, JUST LIKE THAT! Except, it was one of those crazy GROUP MEETINGS! AARRRRRRGGGGGGHHHHHHHH! There were two other couples there already, sat at different ends of... Very cheap looking couches, which were arrange in a square, with the doctor's desk as the last side. No one looked at anyone. They just kepy their attention on the floor. Anyway, so they sat on the empty couch, and then Doctor Tonberry stood at the front, leaning on his desk.

"Okay, people. Let's start this thing." He said. "I'm gonna go around the room, and I want you to introduce yourself a little, okay?"

He pointed to a blonde... woman on the couch on his right. Well...

"Me?" She asked.

"Yup."

"My name is Chi-Chi." She said. "And I used to be a dude."

"Okay, Chi-Chi." Doctor Tonberry said, moving on to her 'husband'. "Yes?"

"My name is Paula and CHI-CHI GOT A SEX CHANGE WITHOUT TELLING ME!" She yelled, pointing.

Doctor Tonberry shook his head.

"Oh, I see your problem..." He said. "Well, I could tell you now to get a divorce... IMMIDIATLY... But, I'm going to wait until this session's over. Next?"

"I'm Shera." The next woman said. It was... SHERA! GASP! "And I'm not a very relevant character."

"Don't say that, Shera!" Doctor Tonberry said in a very... Comforting voice. "Let's see what your husband has to say, hmm?"

You've already guess who her husband is.

"My name is Palmer and I'm fat and ugly and Shera keeps begging for a divorce because she wants to go runnin' RIGHT back into that Cid guy's arms!" Palmer said, looking very bloated these days.

Actually, it wasn't Palmer, it was Cid in a Palmer costume. He zipped RIGHT OUT OF IT!

"Okay, my name is really Cid and Shera here keeps begging for a divorce because she wants to go runnin' RIGHT back into that Palmer guy's arms!" Cid said, looking very... Cid-ish these days.

"Oookkaayyy... Let's just... You know... Move on." Doctor Tonberry said. "Next?"

"I'm Aeris and I'm the last remaining Ancient." Aeris said. "And I can bake sixty pies in like... Five minutes."

"Okay, Aeris. Next?"

"My name is Joseph Stalin and I'm a tax collector." Sephiroth said. Well, actually, he wouldn't say that, because if he did, everyone would hate him. So, instead, he told the truth. "My name is Sephiroth and I'm only here because Aeris's psychiatrist said so."

"Mmmnnokay." Doctor Tonberry said. "Now, I'll go around again, and I'd like you to tell me your problems in detail."

So, Chi-Chi and Paula explained their problems, which is where we go to another scene, which is only slightly to do with this chapter's actual point.

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Elmyra, still in her phase of suicide, was looking over a huge dumping crater, about to jump in. The drop was literally HUGE. I'm not kidding... Two thousand feet? Ish... She shut her eyes.

"Goodbye, cruel world..." She said in the same voice as in the previous chapter when she used that line seeing as how I couldn't be bothered to change her quote. So it was just the same? Don't like it? TOUGH!

She fell... And fell... And fell... And fell... And fell... Until suddenly... She hit something... And went up... And up... AND UP! Until she landed right on the edge where she had fallen!

"What the?" She yelled, looking around.

Suddenly, who did she see running up to her but... BARRETT! YAY!

"Hey, Elmyra! I just took care of my ridiculously huge trampoline! See? It's a tight fit, but this crater is the only place that'll be big enough to hold it!" He said.

Elmyra looked over. There, taking up ALL the space in the crater, was a massive trampoline. She feel, but then rebounded right back up! GASP! In a fit of fury, she screeched at the top of her voice, and began stroming back to Midgar to think of another suicide plan. Barrett watched her leave.

"...Geeze... What's with her lately?"

Then, she came storming back.

"I'M TRYING TO KILL MYSELF!" She yelled.

"Oh my DAIRY BOOK OF FAMILY COOKERY!" He excalimed, since if he swore, Tifa would start that crazy Swear Jar for him. "Why would you want to do something like THAT, Elmyra?"

"Because YOU'D want to if your daughter went and married an evil psychopath!"

Barrett then had an imagination sequence of Marlene marrying... Well... You're not gonna believe this... The first person who sprung to mind... Loz.

"NO MARLENE!" He yelled randomly. "HE'S EVIL! CAN'T YOU SEE THAT-- Oh, wait..."

Suddenly, the imagination sequence ended.

"Wow, I kind of understand your point now!"

"YES! YES, EXACTLY!"

So, then they sat down, and discussed the WHOLE matter of Aeris and Sephiroth... And, apparently... Marlene and Loz.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, Aeris and Sephiroth were discussing... ELMYRA! GASP! What are the odds that the discussions would be reversed?

"And, that's the story." Sephiroth said.

"Uh... I was telling the story." Aeris said.

"...Whatever."

"Well, okay..." Doctor Tonberry said. "Let's see if anyone has any suggestinos for them. Cid? Shera?"

"Aeris what the HELL did you go and marry him for?" Cid yelled, since he had been BURSTING to say that since he realised it was those two.

"Cid..." Doctor Tonberry chided. "We're not here to judge people..."

"$£!" Cid shouted, throwing his cigarette at him.

"OHMYGODIMONFIRE!" He screamed, alight, before turning to just a pile of ashes on the floor. (Just like in the Flash movie!)

"Does this mean that now the Doctor's dead, we can leave?" Chi-Chi asked.

"I guess so..." Shera said.

So, everyone left, deciding never to speak of the torching of Doctor Tonberry ever again. That was when, as soon as they stepped outside, that a random dude waltzed up like he was the random dude of the friggin' world!

"He-llo!" He said in a very perky voice. "I guessing since you came here, you have RELATIONSHIP PROBLEMS!"

Then there was a big sign that flashed behind him with RELATIONSHIP PROMBLEMS! in big neon sparkly lettering. DU-DU-DDDUUU!

They stared at him, and then Sephiroth just punched him in the face, sending him flying into the big lettering. Then, Cid and Shera left, and Chi-Chi and Paula left, and Aeris and Sephiroth TRIED to leave but the guy sprung RIGHT BACK UP and yelled (with a big red mark on his face)...

"PHYSICAL ABUSE! You can't do that! I'm going to call the cops!"

"Oh... RRRRREEEEEEEAAAALLLLLLLYYYYYYYYY?" Sephiroth asked.

"Yeah! REALLY!" The dude said.

"Well, if they could, then the police would've caught me by now... But you see, they can't touch me."

"You're not seriously going to break into that song again, are you?" Aeris asked, the stange Anime face ( like this ¬¬) on her... Umm... Face.

"Only if he calls the cops."

The dude whipped out his phone and pressed 9. Then, strangely enough, Sephiroth broke into the Family Guy version of Can't Touch This... CAN'T TOUCH ME! Well, with a few alterations...

"J-Ju-Ju-JUST like the bad guy from Lethal Weapon 2, I've got diplomatic immunity, so Shinra - you can't sue!"

"OKAY! OKAY! OKAY! OKAY!" The dude yelled, wanting to STOP the MADNESS before it got any worse! "Look, I just want to say, if it all didn't work out for you, I'm looking for people to share their stories on a daytime chat show."

"Meh, not interested." Sephiroth said, before trying again to walk away.

"I won't call the cops if you sign up!"

He looked back.

"URUSAI! What did I just imply with the song? CAN'T TOUCH ME!"

But, Aeris was already putting their names down on a form. (Just so you know, 'Urusai' is Japanese for Shut up. Might be useful to remember that!)

"Sure, we'd be happy to!" She said, very perkily.

"Thanks, Miss!" The dude smiled, also sounding very perky.

And then there were lots of happy SHOJO SPARKLES and Sephiroth just shook his head and went back to the car. Aeris soon followed.

"So, like... We're going on a daytime TV show! YAY!" She squealed.

"Daytime TV sucks." He said, kicking the car into TURBO GEAR and speeding off into... You know... The streets.

"Yeah, well, it won't suck now WE'RE ON IT! YAY!"

But little did they know, there were cyclists on the road. Three of them. Two of them had kick-ass motorcycles, without helmets, but one had a little Barbie bike, with a Barbie helmet and stabilisers. It was... THE SHM! YAY! Kadaj and Yazoo had the kick-ass ones. Loz has the Barbie one, and because he would be able to pedal fast enough, he had tied a string around Yazoo's and his, and was just leaning back and letting those two speed along whilst he kicked back and suddenly...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

The string broke and he went crashing down a cliff and died. The other two stopped.

"Oh my God!" Yazoo yelled. "LOZ IS DEAD!"

"Hey, aren't those the SHM?" Aeris asked.

"No." Sephiroth said, and they just went past entirely oblivious to the fact that... Ahem... YES! THEY **WERE **THE SHM!

"Wait a second, if Loz is dead, we need... ANOTHER SHM!" Kadaj excalimed.

"No we don't. We can find Mother without that nerd anyway." Yazoo said, and then hopped off his bike and pointed down the cliff. "NNNNEEEEERRRRRDDDDDD!"

Then, Kadaj pushed him off the edge.

"Oooooookay... Why did I just do that?" He asked himself, over Yazoo's screams of pain. "Oh well..."

Then, he just jumped off himself.

"I'M COMING, YAZOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

About a millisecond later, their bikes were stolen by Swedish runaways.

"Jah, jah, we claimed ourselves some veerchals, jah!"

So, anyhoo, that's the end of that chapter. I believe.

**BASS IT!**

Kay... So no one asked a question fast enough. Hey, I got some self-made questions to get the ball rollin', though... Hehehe... I'm SAD.

ArcBus:

**1. Seph, why did you break into singing the Family Guy version of Can't Touch This?**

Sephiroth: Uh, well, it's all very fitting. Shinra never caught me. Shinra'll NEVER catch me! NEHVHER!

ArcBus: M'kay... O.o

**2. Aeris, why do you look like the female Squall/Leon in Kingdom Hearts (II)?**

Aeris: Because they're gonna shortchange it so I'm his long-lost sister!

ArcBus: Noo... I don't think they will.

Aeris: How do you know?

Kimahri: Teedus be a stupid plop.

ArcBus: WTF? KIMAHRI?

**3. Doctor Tonberry, did you REALLY see the legendary Level 99 White Mage?**

Dr. Tonberry: (Is still just a pile of ashes)

ArcBus: Okay, Okay, OKAY! Let's just go now!

Loz: (Climbs up the cliff) I'M STILL AAAAALLLLLLLIIIIVVVVVEEEEEEEE!

ArcBus: (Pushes him back down)

Loz: AAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

ArcBus: (In a Mio voice) Bu-Bye!


	6. The Point Of This Chapter, etc

**UNDYING PIE**

_There is no SANE explanation to the title, really. It was adapted from my story Undying Storm, but only because it was an AeriSeph fic, and so is this... Kind of... Ha! And also... Aeris makes alot of pies and cookies... Well, enjoy a very random and practically pointless story! Ciao!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own FF. Live with it. _

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**CHAPTER SIX - THE POINT OF THIS CHAPTER IS NEVER DISCOVERED**

It's true! At the house on Wednesday, Aeris burst through the door of the evil layer, ignoring all the KEEP OUT signs.

"I'm going shoppin'!" She squealed.

"Good for you." Sephiroth said, looking through the telescope into the Shinra building, as usual.

"OH-KAY!"

She ran outside, grabbing the car keys before she left, hopped into the driver's seat, and drove off! YAY!

On the 'express'way...

"GODDAMN TRAFFIC!" Aeris yelled, shaking her fist out of the window.

But what she didn't know was at the front of all the traffic, causing the SLOWNESS, was an electric car, slowly trodding along, and carrying Cloud's coffin to the cemetary. Well, it's not like Aeris would care, but, oh well... (See The Quest For The Evil Hair Products for details on the electric car joke)

So, she took a shortcut, and finally, she was at the WALMART! Yay! Well, it was one of the many WalMarts in Midgar. It's a very commercial city! She locked the car, and went up to the doors, and they SLID OPEN AUTOMATICALLY! YAY!

And then, who followed her in but... THE SHM! YAY!

"AAAEEEEERRRRRRRIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSSS!" They yelled.

She gasped.

"KADAJ! YAZOO! LOZ!" She yelled.

Then, there was lots of squealing, and they all group hugged, and people began to stare.

"What're you guys doing here?" She asked.

"Oh, we're heading to a Cosplay Convention in Isle Two!" Kadaj said.

"That's the place where we saw the Ragu!" Loz said, holding up a jar of that lovely red pasta sauce that''s about fifty million times better than Dolmio. When's-a your Dolmio day? NEVER! NEHVEHR, I SAY!

"Really?" Aeris said. "Well, that's all well and good, but since you're here, could you help me with my shopping?"

"SURE!" They all said, and then ran towards the baskets and carts (or trolleys, as you call them here in Englishland) and fought for one.

Once they stopped fighting, they walked off with a cart and were ready to SHOP!

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They went up Isle One, but there wasn't anything that Aeris needed there, so they went to the COSPLAY CONVENTION! YAY! There were crazy people wearing crazy outfits. There were lots of crazy Grandia cosplayers, like... Girls of about 20 playing little 8-year-old Sue, and lots of other random Anime people. Isle Two is full of Foriegn foods and stuff. Including... RAGU! Italian pasta sauce! Oooohhh... YEAH!

"So, you're trying to win an award for being the SHM when you actually ARE the SHM?" Aeris asked.

"No." Yazoo said. "I thought it would be fairly obvious who we are."

You're not gonna believe this. Kadaj was wearing the Gunner dressphere, Loz the Theif dressphere and Yazoo the Warrior one. That's right... The SHM were YRP! FFX-2! YAY! No wonder people were staring at them...

"I'm cold." Loz complained.

"You should've thought of that before you wanted to be Rikku!" Yazoo snapped.

Aeris backed away slowly as they argued.

"Uh, okay guys. I... Uh... I have to go to the cereal Isle and get some Froot Loops...!"

They weren't paying any attention to he, so she just dashed off with the cart to actually do some shopping.

Let's see... She had to buy... Quinoa (some crazy mixture made by Quistis and Rinoa), Windex, eggs, Ragu (but she got that anyway), time bombs, Yazoo (the milkshake, not the SHM), Ultima Materia, ice cream, oranges, paper, apples, sugar (and LOTS OF IT!), DeathBlow Materia, Froot Loops (obviously), Green Day merchandise (she REALLY likes Green Day!), HubbaBubba Bubblegum (As in 'I like HubbaBubba Bubblegum!'; see FFX: What Really Happened for details), juice, Keyblade, love (hahaha!), zocks (Like socks, but... ZOCKS!), X-tremely sour candy, crackers, Voltorb merchandise (What ever happened to Pokémon?), Bolt Materia, No-Smokin' signs and Mentos (the FRESH MAKER!).

Once she had all the stuff and she bought it, she said goodbye to the SHM (though I doubt they noticed her over their petty squabbling), and went back home.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"SSSSSSEEEEEEPPPPPPPPPHHHHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIIRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Aeris yelled, skipping in, and magically sending the shopping EFFORTLESSLY into the cupboards and the rightful places.

No reply. So, she just went into the kitchen and... In about two minutes made, like fourty batches of cookies! YAY!

Well, that was like... The shortest scene ever.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Sephiroth was incredibly busy watching something incredibly interesting take place at the Shinra building. Barrett had gona crazy, and was about to push Rufus (in his wheelchair) off the top of the Shinra building! GASP!

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!" Barrett laughed, pushing the wheelchair forward.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Rufus yelled, heading towards the end, the magical, mystical sheet flying off as he picked up speed.

"I WANNA DIE!" Elmyra yelled, suddenly appearing in Rufus's lap.

"NO! ELMYRA, NO!" Barrett yelled, and quickly ran, scooped her out of the chair, and left Rufus to fall off the edge!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! wwWWWWWWAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Rufus yelled, but then everything went all blurry for him and, well, he died.

"OH MY!" Rude yelled. "YOU KILLED PRESIDENT RUFUS!"

"YOU UTTER BASTARD!" Elena shouted.

"YOU SAVED MY LIFE!" Elmyra screeched. "STOP SAVING MY LIFE! AAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Wait a minute, if the President's dead, I'M THE KING!" Reno excalimed, putting on a crown and a big red cape. "One suspects that my coronation shall be ruined by rain! Oh well! Ruuuule Reno, Reno rules the waves!"

"He's not the king! I'M THE KING!" Rude said, snatching the crown away and trying to put it on.

Unfortunatly, Rude's head was too bald and slippy, and the crown slid off and off the edge. Reno looked over in astonishment, as his crown faded into Midgar like... Well... Like Rufus did!

"Y-YOU! YOU TOOK THE CROWN! AND NOW IT'S GONE! GASP! TREASON!" He yelled, and then launched himself at Rude and bushed him off the edge and they both went to their horrible deaths, too!

"Oh my!" Elena gasped. "Do not worry! Granas's prayer shall be with you!"

And then she turned into the Grandia II Elena (not much difference really. They're both annoying, blonde and called Elena), and swishing out the feathery Wings of Granas and flying down after them. Barrett and Elmyra just... Stared at them... Well, actually they couldn't stare at THEM, so they just stared at the blank space that they had fallen from.

"Wow..." Sephiroth said, back at the house. "That's pretty damn shocking..."

Then, as if it never happened, he waltzed over to the PS2 and set up GTA, ready to shoot random civillains and not really understand the story plot of the game again. Oh well...

So, I guess that's the end of this chapter. What was it... Like... The shortest EVER? Oh well, I'll stick in random scenes from other Final Fantasies here, then. Just to fill in the space a bit.

------------------------------------------------------------------

**VI**

"I am Kefka." Kefka said. "And ArcBus has never played FFVI. So, I am going to divert you to FFVIII."

------------------------------------------------------------------

**VIII**

"SSSSSUUUUUGGGGGGGAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!" Selphie yelled at the top of her voice. "AAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNDDDDDDD TTTTTTTRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNNSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS--"

Suddenly, Rinoa grabbed Irvine's gun and shot Selphie in the head.

"I HATE THAT BITCH!" She screeched.

------------------------------------------------------------------

**IX**

"Charlie had a pidgeon, a pidgeon, a pidgeon!" Zidane sang. "Charlie had a pidgeon, a pidgeon he had!"

"...And his room is covered in N'Sync posters!" Black Mage A said.

"I swear, if he plays Baribe Girl again, I'm gonna kill myself." Black Mage B said.

Then they stared at Kuja as he approached.

"Hullo, boys." He said, smashing a glass with his bare, highly manicured hands.

"HE FLEW ALL DAY, HE FLEW ALL NIGHT!" Zidane continued. "WHEN HE CAME BACK HE WAS COVERED IN SHI--"

------------------------------------------------------------------

**X**

"THIS IS MY STORY!" Tidus yelled. "IT'LL GO THE WAY I WANT IT, OR I'LL END IT NOW!"

Yuna suddenlycast Silence on Tidus. He shut up for the rest of the pilgrimage.

**BASS IT!**

'kay, so that had nothing to do with anything, really. I got some unstated questions from Tishannia that you may find interesting:

**1. WHERE IS YAZOO?**

ArcBus: Well, Yazoo was there. But ya wanna see MORE of Yazoo? LET'S BRING HIM IN NOW! (has Yazoo on a leash) C'mon Yazoo!

Yazoo: (stumbles along) What? Whaddaya want? Loser...

ArcBus: Yazoo, as the author and supreme commander of this story and FAQ, I order you to dance.

Yazoo: No.

ArcBus: Then... Say something funny!

Yazoo: No.

ArcBus: M'kay. Next question.

**2. Why did you push Loz off a cliff?**

ArcBus: I hate Loz. If Kadaj or Yazoo had climbed up, I would've happily helped them up. But I hate Loz, so I pushed him back down.

Loz: Heeeyyy!

ArcBus: Go away.

Loz: Okay... (walks away sadly)

Nobuo: (Plays a sad tune on a violin)

Hey, I have another interesting question myself...

**Yazoo, why do you share your name with a milkshake?**

Yazoo: (In the Yazoo dino suit) It's a coincidence, DAMMIT! They don't have Yazoo in Japan! The creators had NO IDEA! NONE WHATSOEVER!

ArcBus: ...Really? I figured you were named after that CRAZY dino-milkshake stuff, Kadaj was named after some kind of curry substance, and Loz was named after... The Wizard of LOZ! HAHAHAHAHA!

Loz: I'm MMMMMEEEEEEELLLLLLLLTTTTTTIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG!

ArcBus: Very good.


	7. Daytime TV

**UNDYING PIE**

_There is no SANE explanation to the title, really. It was adapted from my story Undying Storm, but only because it was an AeriSeph fic, and so is this... Kind of... Ha! And also... Aeris makes alot of pies and cookies... Well, enjoy a very random and practically pointless story! Ciao!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own FF. Live with it. _

------------------------------------------------------------------

**CHAPTER SEVEN - DAYTIME TV**

So, anyway, I'll bet you're wondering right now what happened to that crazy show that those guys signed up for, right? Well, I'll tell you now. They were going on it that day. I don't know what day it was. Since the last chapter was Wednesday, let's presume it's Thursday. Basically, the Sephiroth FC were still planning their revenge at this stage. Because they haven't appeared for a while, let's put a snippet of them in here! Actually, this isn't what they were doing at that time. IT'S A...

FFFFFFFFFFFFLLLLLLLLLLAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKKKKK!

Let's go back a year or so, to when Aeris and Sephiroth's realtionship was under close watch by the FC. Where were they? I dunno... In the street, randomly talking and smiling and stuff like that. Just like Yuki and Tohru! Which also means the FC is the... FC... In a nearby alleyway. WOO!

"AAAARRRRRGGGGHHHHHHH!" OC yelled. "WHAT THE HELL IS **SHE **DOING WITH HIM **AGAIN**?"

"Cue Barbie Girl." Mary-Sue said.

Fan Girl took out a random boombox and Barbie Girl started playing.

"Aeris is a bitch! She's such a dirty witch!" Sang Mary-Sue to the tune. "I really hate her! Why does Sephy date her?"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Let's start the show! As I thought the crossovers were quite fun last time, we have ANOTHER crossover put in here! YAY!

_**THE EDEA KRAMNER SHOW!**_

The audience all chanted for our FAVOURITE crazy mage!

"EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA!"

Edea then came out on stage.

"EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! EDEA! ED--"

"Yeah, yeah, I get it!" She yelled. "Ahem... Welcome to the Edea Kramner show."

Is it Kramner or Kranmer? Oh well, I don't care. It's Kramner here!

"Last week, we looked at overcrowed relationships. Indeed, three IS a crowd. Me and the crew were, as a matter of fact, outnumbered by angry problem-ridden guests... I must admit last week's show was a disaster, so let's just hope this one goes better, hmm? Today, we'll be looking at the effects of marriage on family and friends, and how people are just assholes for not accepting the fact that whoever they're bothered about has ruined their OWN life and it shouldn't bother them. So, let's welcome on stage someone with that problem EXACTLY, Elmyra!"

The audience cheered (I dunno why) as Elmyra walked onto the stage. She had a blank look on her face.

"Hello, Elmyra." Edea said as they both sat down in the host chair and the first guest chair. "Now, why don't you tell us the story?"

"It was about fifteen or sixteen years ago." Elmyra began, shaking and twitching. "I recieved a letter telling me that my dear husband was returning from the Wutai war... But, he never came home. Then, one day, I saw a little girl, kneeling down besides her dying mother..."

Nobuo Uematsu suddenly appeared in the seat next to her and began playing Aeris's Theme on a violin.

"I went over to them, and the Mother's last words were 'Take Aeris somewhere safe'. So, with no husband, or any children myself, I took the girl home with me. We became close very quickly... Aeris loved to talk alot... Until, one day, she said something strange. She said... 'Don't be sad. Someone very dear to you has just passed, and was coming to see you.' I didn't quite understand, but then I recieved a message that my husband had died..."

Then, she noticed that the audience was in tears.

"Okay, Elmyra." Edea said. "Now tell us what the problem is."

"Well, you see, Aeris grew up and at the age of 17, got her first REAL boyfriend. Of course, I was eager to meet him, but then... When I did... Something HORRIBLE happened! I found out he was in a section of Shinra named SOLDIER. Now, since Shinra had attempted many times to abduct Aeris, I didn't want her to have any part in any of it, so I told him to stay away from her. I think they were still together, but then he left on a mission and never returned. I was happy. She was sad. But I was happy, and that's the important thing!" Elmyra explained. "Well, anyway, about five years later, or, you know, whatever, she brought home some 'bodyguard' who helped her fight off Shinra. His eyes... I knew instantly that he was from SOLDIER! Well, he was ex-SOLDIER, at least. After a while, he went off, and then she came back and let some other crazy boyfriend of her--"

"Why don't you just tell me your PROBLEM!"

"Oh, umm... Okay. She went and married the last crazy SOLDIER guy and now I wanna kill myself because he's an evil psychopath."

"Alright, now, let's meet someone else effected by all these strange decisions - Barrett!"

Barrett walked onto the stage, and then sat in the chair Nobuo was sat in and crushed him.

"OOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW!" Nobuo yelled, then he swore in (muffled) Japanese.

"Welcome to the show, Barrett." Edea said. "And may I say, you're crushing Nobuo."

"WHAT?" Barrett exclaimed. "UEMATSU?"

"Yes. Nobuo Uematsu."

He sprang up, and Nobuo, now flat as a pancake (still holding his very flat violin) raised a very flat fist and strode off to fufill his life. GETTIT? Fu-FILL! As in... FILL HIMSELF BACK IN! Because he's now... THIN! AAAAAAAAHHHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

Anyway, Barrett then sat back down.

"So, why don't you tell us a little bit about your side of the story." Edea said.

"Okay, so, like, Elmyra here stole my daughter after Aeris--"

"Actually, I've changed my mind. Shut up, and let's bring on the other side of the story." Edea said quickly, wanting to get the show over and done with because she had to get a divorce from Cid. That's pretty damn ironic! "Uh, that... Husband of the Aesis... Whatjacallher... Whatever."

Sephiroth walked on stage and sat in an empty seat.

"Hi, welcome to the show, what do you think of what has just been said?" Our favourite crazy Sourceress asked.

"Well, to tell you the truth, I think the conversation was entirely biased." Sephiroth said in the same fast pace as her.

"Really? Well that's interesting." She said, also very fast.

"Indeed it is."

"Yes."

Then, they just continued in a VERY CRAZY WAY, TALKING VERY FAST TO SAVE TIME - BUT NO ONE REALLY UNDERSTOOD WHAT THE HELL THEY WERE SAYING! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

And then, alluva sudden, Elmyra walked off stage, then, after a little while, RAN BACK ON STAGE WITH... What can only be described as Waterga in a jug... AND CHUCKED IT OVER SEPHIROTH! AAAGGGHHHHHHH! The crowd went 'OOOOOOOOoooooooooooooooohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!', but some were like 'WWWWWwwwwoooooooooooooooo!'.

He didn't do much... He just made a cryptic joke about how Aeris always laughs when he tells her 'Your Momma' jokes.

And seeing as how Aeris was backstage, she ran out onto the stage too, disgusted about the water throwing.

"MOM!" She yelled. "YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"Hey! Hey!" Edea said. "You can't come out on stage yet! I didn't call you on!"

"SCREW YOU!" Aeris shouted, and whipped out... A ROLLING PIN? Instead of her staff?

She had found her Ultimate Weapon! CCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOLLLLLLLLLLLL!

And then there was a 'Technical Difficulties' sign, and we will never know what happened next.

------------------------------------------------------------------

**THE NEXT DAY (Back at the house, Numbskull!)...**

"Oh no."

The daily newspaper, that happens to be owned by Shinra, and happens to come to practically every house that is A HOUSE in the crazy world of Final Fantasy VII, had just come to the house. And Aeris had picked it up, only to discover that the Edea Kramner Show yesteday had made front page news...

...That's bad, considering the main picture showed Edea shaking her head and going to sit in the audience until security came, Barrett... Just sitting there randomly, and Elmyra screeching as loud as she could, and Sephiroth and herself... Being the main point of the article...

The headline read: **THIS IS A HEADLINE**, since I couldn't think of a good headline.

And then there was the article.

"OH MY GOSH!" She yelled, and then she ran up and burst into the evil layer, ignoring ALL of the KEEP OUT signs. "LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK! LOOK!"

"At what?" Sephiroth asked after pressing pause, sounding slightly annoyed seeing as she was interrupting him... Shooting people on GTA.

"AT THIS!" Aeris screeched, pushing the newspaper infront of his face.

"... ... ...And interview with Dr. Phil...?"

"NO! THE FRONT! THE FRONT!"

He took the newspaper and read the front page.

"...Wow... Okay, whatever."

Then, he handed it back to her.

"YOU'RE NOT BOTHERED?" Yelled Aeris, flailing her arms about crazily.

Sephiroth just resumed his game.

"Uh... HE-LLO!" She shouted. "HE-LLO!"

"Yeah, bye..." He said in a very uninterested manner.

Of course, Aeris couldn't really think of anything else to say, so she just went downstairs, and into the kitchen.

"Ahuddumahudduma WHAT'S THIS?" She said in a very strange manner, and then began to speak like some kind of ass-kicking person in a very sinister way. "It's time to take out the trash!"

Except, it was. So she just emptied the trash and was about to take it outside when **who **was stood at the door but... THE MEDIA! OMGZORZ! As soon as Aeris opened the door, she was blinded by flashes from LOADS of cameras. Reporters were battling to get to the front of the crowd to talk to her, yelling 'Ms Aeris!' for her attention.

"MS AERIS!" One female reporter said, managing to climb over the others, brandishing her microphone and signaling to the camera dude who was with her. "MS AERIS! How do you feel about the events of yesterday?"

"Well, crazy TV lady..." Aeris said into the microphone. "I know this had nothing to do with the events of yesterday, but I personally am quite disgusted by all of YOU!"

She pointed to the MASSES of people, who all gasped.

"That's RIGHT! YOU! Am I some kind of CELEBRITY? Just because Sephiroth is my husband?"

"YES!" The media yelled. "AND BECAUSE YOU'RE THE LAST REMAINING ANCIENT!"

"ACK!" She said, and then slammed the door shut.

The media, deciding that her RAGE was GOOD for the MEDIA, toddled off quite happily. Anyway, hiding in the trashcans was... THE SEPHIROTH FC! Gasp! Nooo! They appeared at the beginning of this chapter, didn't they? Why, yes indeedy, they did! In the past, though... Stay tuned for more flashbacks!

So, they popped out of one of the trashcans, and then went up to the door.

"She didn't put the trash out." Mary-Sue said observantly, seeing as how they would've... Well... THEY WOULD'VE KNOW IF SHE HAD! "As soon as she comes back out, we grab her. OC, do you have the smuggling bag?"

"Smuggling bag!" OC said, holding up a big crazy bag that people use when they want to kidnap someone or smuggle stuff away. "Check!"

"Then let's do this..." Said Mary-Sue quietly, concentrating on her plan.

------------------------------------------------------------------

And then it was a crazy flashback/halluciantion time. And another FRUITS BASKET PARODY! YAY!

"I love Sephiroth..." Mary-Sue said in a very hallucinating voice. "I love his beautiful silver hair, and the way it sparkles in the sunlight... I love his piercing jade eyes, and the way his eyelashes veil his cheeks when he closes them, to the dignified way that his voice carries... (Sigh)... I love everything... Sephiroth is my everything..."

And then, seeing as how it was a flashback, the FC was in their 'working' room at the Shinra HQ, praying to the Sephiroth shrine... Again.

"Hail to Sephiroth." Said Mary-Sue.

"Hail to Sephiroth." OC and Fan Girl chorused.

Then, Reno came in.

"By God, you old hags!" He yelled. "You're doing that ridiculous stuff again! Go home!"

"Yes, Reno..." They moaned.

He shut the door, and they just continued worshipping obliviously.

Then, Mary-Sue whipped out those CRAZY binoculars, and OC and Fan Girl got a pair too, and they went to look out of the window at him... But Aeris was there too. Why? BECAUSE WE WANT THE FC TO SUFFER, DAMMIT!

"He's with... Her... Again" She said, as overdramatic music began to play in the background.

"ARGH! I'm sssssoooooooooooooooooooo MAD!" OC screeched, a big red Anime-vein-thingy popping on her head. "WHAT'S SO GREAT ABOUT THAT STUPID AERIS?"

"Nothing!" Fan Girl yelled. "There's not a single good thing about her!"

"We have to act fast, President!" OC said. "She has to be taught a lesson! We have no choice! BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!"

"But..." Fan Girl said quietly. "What about... T-Tifa and Denzel?"

Suddenly, they cast their minds back and... EEPS! Then... They ran away! ARGH! HOME! YAY! Like Reno told them to! Yeey!

------------------------------------------------------------------

So, still in the past... Okay... Like, Mary-Sue went home. Now, okay... She doesn't have any-- Oh, wait... Okay, her whole room is one big huge SEPHIROTH SHRINE! With posters on all the walls, pictures on her notice board, photos in frames, documents stolen from Shinra, flowers and hearts and fan art and SHOJO SPARKLES! That evening, she scooped up an awfully yummy framed photo of... Uh... Sephiroth. Who else? And she cradled it against her.

"My Sephiroth... What if... What if you were to... I-In front of... My eyes... Whilst I watched you through the great barriers of windows that divide us..."

Then, she had an imagination sequence of Sephiroth and Aeris talking, and hugging, and kissing, and... Definatly stuff that shouldn't be thought oooffffff... O-Okay... Meh... O-Okies... Okay... S-Shut the curtains QUICKLY, guys... Guys? M'kay... Aheh... Uh... Wow... Oooh... Aw... Uh... W-Wha...? N-N-Nah...? Eeeps... Stop this sick hallucination, Mary-Sue! Ah man... O.o O-Okay, send the women and children to bed! AND SEPHIROTH OR AERIS FANS! Ooh... Okay... Umm... Ohh... Ohmygod... Eeeshh... Y-Yeu...ck... Umm... Mary-Sue? Can you please just END THIS LEMON!

"My weak, shriveled heart is becoming painful, overflowing with my thoughts of him!"

She put the picture on her desk, with the many others.

"Sephiroth... AH! SEPHIROTH!" She said, falling backwards to lie overdramatically on her bed. "IS IT MY FATE TO BE CURSED AND BLESSED WITH VISIONS OF YOUR ANGELIC FACE? IS IT--"

And then alluvasudden, her (old hag of a) Mother burst in.

"MARYLAND-SUZANNE!" She roared. "KEEP IT DOWN! YOU'RE WAKING THE NEIGHBOURS!"

Mary-Sue jumped up angrily.

"MOTH-ER! KNOCK!" She cried.

"SURE!" Her Mother said angrily, knocking on the open door. "KNOCK! KNOCK! CAN I COME IN, PRINCESS LOUDMOUTH? Now, enough of this silly crush of yours! GO TO BED!"

"ARGH! Well, it wouldn't have been like this if it wasn't for that pesky Aeris girl!"

Mary-Sue began crying Anime-style.

"What are you babbling about?" Her Mother asked. "AND WHAT'S THIS? **ANOTHER **LOVE POEM? WHY DO YOU WASTE YOUR TIME ON SUCH USELESS THINGS? GO SELL A RADISH OR SOMETHING!"

(That's because Mary-Sue lives above a vegetable store that her parents own. Yeeeaaahhh! THAT'S RIGHT!)

"I'm not sellin' ANYTHING!" Mary-Sue argued.

"EARN YOUR KEEP!"

"BEING BORN HERE WAS THE **WORST **THING THAT **EVER **HAPPENED TO ME!"

"WHAT? THAT STORE PAYS FOR THIS ROOF OVER YOUR BIG HEAD! NOT TO MENTION ALL THE PAPER YOU WASTE ON LOVE POEMS AND DRAWINGS!"

"They're at it again..." A neighbour moaned.

"YOUR FATHER AND I SLAVE AWAY EVER DAY DOWN THERE..."

"Yeah, like they ever stop..." Another neighbour said.

"...JUST SO WE CAN PUT FOOD IN YOUR UNGRATEFUL LITTLE--"

------------------------------------------------------------------

And now we're back to the future, where the FC was waiting for Aeris to come back out.

"My sweet Sephiroth..." Mary-Sue said, hallucinating again. GOD! "Can you not see that I would do anything, even THIS, for you? Even when all those other thousands of girls became Squall fans, come Final Fantasy VIII, I stayed here, as yours, and yours only. I'll go to any lengths to protect you. Even if I have to stoop as low as this... No. There's nothing 'low' about it. There is no shame in what I am doing here! Because, for me, Sephiroth, you are more important than anything... EVERYTHING! And compared to you, nothing else matters! Nothing... Not even my own life..."

Suddenly, she began to yell at the top of her voice.

"AND I AWAIT THE DAY THAT YOU REALISE HOW MUCH I TRULY--"

Suddenly, a bullet hit Fan Girl in the skull. Mary-Sue and OC turned to look, and... SHE HAD BEEN SHOT! GASP!

They looked up, and Sephiroth was at one of the windows with a gun... Uh... A sniper, I guess. Cloud, you big fat liar, that is COMPLETE AND UTTER PROOF! SEPHIROTH **WOULD **USE A GUN, BECAUSE HE JUST **USED **ONE THEN AND THERE! HA! IN YOUR BLONDE-EMO-DECEASED FFAAACCCEEEE!

"Take your dead friend and get the HELL OFF'A MY PROPERTY!" He yelled, sounding slightly Texan like that...

"It's... Him...!" Mary-Sue said, and then fainted.

"PRESIDENT!" OC shouted, catching her as she fell, and then she grabbed Fan Girl's wrist and ran off with them.

"I'm so... Maso...Chistic!" Fan Girl said, before dying an untimely death... FOR REAL!

And now it is, I believe, time to do exactly what we do at the end of every chapter...

**BASS IT!**

FAQ TIME! Wow, I got lots of (unstated) questions! Keep 'em coming! I LOVE THEM!

**Indigo Angel:**

**Have you lost your mind?**

ArcBus: ...Why do people presume I'm sane in the first place? XD

And I got lots from BrokenAngel! Wow... ANGELS ARE ASKING ME QUESTIONS? OMGZORZ! WHAT THE CRAP?

**BrokenAngel:**

**1. What happened to FFX: WRH? Are you going to continue?**

ArcBus: YYYYYYYyyyyyyeeeeeeaaaaaahhhhhhh... ABOUT that... Uh... Well, I've been doing SATS and I could only really focus on one story, which happened to be this one. The same applies to The Quest For The Evil Hair Products and Undying Storm, I guess. BUT - BBBBBUUUUUUUUUTTTTTTTT - The SATS are over now and I can get back to work! Yey!

**2. Why did Aeris buy Ultima materia?**

ArcBus: WHY DID SHE BUY TIME BOMBS AND VOLTORB MERCHANDISE? Um... She bought it because she couldn't use it in the game. You find it in Corel when you save the village and the little boy gives it to you, or you let the train crash and buy it off him for a hilariously high price. Yeah... Aeris died WAY before that happened, so, you see, she wanted to use it!

**3. Why couldn't Yuna have cast Silence on Tidus in the game?**

ArcBus: (First of all this was a joke I used in FFX: WRH, too) Well, seeing as no one can learn Silence in the game, that's why, I guess. She used Silence Attack, I suppose, but Yuna isn't really all that offensive, even though I got her strong enough to do over 1000 damage with a normal hit. But, then again, I did have her learn Silence Attack, too... I guess it was just me... Putting the plain-old-Yuna thing in.

Thank you all. Let's have some more questions then! Okay? XD See you soon, over da MOON!


	8. Unnecessary Parodies

**UNDYING PIE**

_There is no SANE explanation to the title, really. It was adapted from my story Undying Storm, but only because it was an AeriSeph fic, and so is this... Kind of... Ha! And also... Aeris makes alot of pies and cookies... Well, enjoy a very random and practically pointless story! Ciao!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own FF. Live with it. I don't own much of the stuff in this chapter, actually..._

------------------------------------------------------------------

**CHAPTER EIGHT - Unnecessary Parodies**

Basically, the whole 'Edea Kramner Show' thing was yesterday's news. Literally. It was Saturday, and nothing was really happening. Well, obviously SOMETHING was happening. Sephiroth was on the wonderful online RPG known as...

...RUNESCAPE!

Were you expecting FFXI? Well, it'd be wrong to have Final Fantasy characters own actualy Final Fantasy games, so no... It was Runescape.

Anyway, his Level 76 heavily armoured brandishing a very scary looking sword with 99 of every single Rune in his inventory - **Death2Cloud364 **- was walking through the wilderness, which is practically the Runescape equivilant of the OverWorld map, when suddenly HE WAS ATTACKED BY...

**Klownage5**! ARGH!

**Klownage5** was... KEFKA! AGHH! And he was a Level 75 Mage, with a big crazy mage hat and a big staff thingy!

**Klownage5 used a Fire Rune on Death2Cloud364.**

Sephiroth glared at Kefka's character, and tapped away angrily at the keyboard.

**Death2Cloud364 says: U sir R a n00b:( **

He can say that, because Kefka is a Level below him! Hahahah!

**Klownage5 says: hahahaha i dented ur HP!**

**Death2Cloud364 says: Stop followin me u idoit.**

**Death2Cloud364 says: idiot.**

Then, who joined them but... **LeStrawberryQueen**! That was... ULTIMECIA! YAY! She had a Level 78 mage. That's... Practically what she is...!

**LeStrawberryQueen says: just claimed da best battleax from some dumb n00b he lost to me I rockzorz lol!**

**Sparkles15 says: buy ur battleax 1111233333333335555577777222222222444444448888888855555555555222222222299999000000000000!**

**Death2Cloud says: ha u can't even cary that much cash lol.**

**LeStrawberryQueen says: no can do sparkles said I would sell it to seymour already lol!**

**Death2Cloud364 says: lol**

**Klownage5 says: were's kuja n shuyin and seymour then it wud be a party!**

**Sparkles15 says: wtf r u guys talkin about?**

**LeStrawberryQueen used a Cosmic Rune on Sparkles15.**

**LeStrawberryQueen says: Hahaha killed 'em stupid n00b lets claim le spoils!**

**Death2Cloud364 says: wtf? he had no good stuff just a loada crap arrows lol wtf did he need them for?**

Then WHO came waltzing up but **SmashinSpira3**! Who, fairly obviously, was SEYMOUR!

**SmashinSpira3 says: strawberry lemme buy ur battleax.**

**LeStrawberryQueen says: Sure sure I put it in the bank 4 safe keepin wudnt wanna take it out ere lets go.**

**SmashinSpira3 says: Kk.**

**SmashinSpira3 **and **LeStrawberryQueen **then walked off to go to the bank so that Seymour could buy Ultimecia's Battleaxe. How very interesting.

**Klownage5 says: Eeps brb.**

**Death2Cloud364 says: k**

**Klownage5 has logged off.**

Okay, so basically, Sephiroth didn't really care about the be right back thing, so he just signed out too and turned the computer off. Hahahaha! Then, he just went to sleep, because that's what you do when it's like... 12 at night.

Except then there was... A CHARLIE THE UNICORN PARODY! YAY!

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Hey Sephiroth! You silly sleepyhead!Wake up!" Aeris said the next morning, sounding very... Weird.

"Yeah, wake up Sephiroth!" Kadaj said, also sounding very weird.

He glared at them from under the covers.

"What? What do you want? This'd better be friggin important. Is the house on fire?"

"No! We found a map!" Kadaj excalimed.

"A map to Candy Mountain! We're going to Candy Mountain!" Aeris said very happily. "Come with us to Candy Mountain, Sephiroth!"

"Yeah! Come with us to Cand Moutain!" Yelled Kadaj. "Candy Mountain!"

"Uh... Yeah..." Sephiroth mumbled, just trying to go back to sleep. "I'm just, you know, gonna go back to sleep now..."

"NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Kadaj squealed at the top of his voice, before jumping up and down on the bed. "YOU HAVE TO COME WITH US TO CANDY MOUNTAIN SEPHIROTH!"

"Yeah! Candy Mountain!" Aeris said, looking slightly possessed. "It's a land of happiness and joy... And joyness!"

"Please stop bouncing on me..." Sephiroth moaned, pushing Kadaj off.

"CANDY MOUNTAIN!" Kadaj screamed, his eye twitching.

"OH FINE!"

Sephiroth sprung out of bed.

"I'LL GO WITH YOU TO CANDY MOUNTAIN! But it better be good!"

So, they began their journey through lots of random forest.

"Our first stop is over here, Sephiroth!" Kadaj said, skipping alongside Aeris, who was also skipping.

"Oh what the hell is that?" Sephiroth yelled, staring at the huge creature they had stopped infront of.

"It's the Leoplurodon, Sephiroth!" Aeris replied.

"Yeah!" Kadaj nodded. "THE MAGICAL LEOPLURODON! It will tell us the way to Candy Mountain!"

"Okay, guys. You know there isn't actually a Candy Mountain..." Sephiroth said, trying to knock sense into them.

"SHUN THE NON-BELIEVER!" Aeris screamed. "SSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!"

"SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSHHHHHHHHHHHHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!" Kadaj yelled along with her.

Then the Leoplurodon made a strange roaring noise.

"It has spoken!" Kadaj said happily.

"It didn't say anything!" Sephiroth shouted.

Then, they went across a crazy unstable bridge.

"It's just over this bridge, Sephiroth!" Aeris said very VERY perkily.

"Is anyone else, like, getting covered in splinters?" He asked.

"Sssssseeeeeeeeppppppppppphhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrrooooooooooootttttttttttttttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!" Kadaj said in another possessed tone. "Sssssssseeeeeeeeeeppppppppppppppphhhhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiirrrrrrrrrrrrrroooooooooooottttttttttttthhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!"

"I'M RIGHT HERE!" Sephiroth yelled. "WHAT DO YOU WANT?"

"...We're on a bridge, Sephiroth!" Kadaj said happily, stating the obvious.

Then, they came to...

"Well, what do you know...?" Sephiroth said very blankly. "There actually IS a Candy Mountain..."

...CANDY MOUNTAIN! YAY!

"YAY! CANDY MOUNTAIN! CANDY MOUNTAIN!" Kadaj squealed, jumping onto the mountain of candy and singing. "You fill me with SWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEET SUGARY GOODNESS!"

"Go inside the Candy Mountain cave, Sephiroth!" Aeris said, smiling a HUGE smile, her cheeks beginning to hurt like your cheeks do when you smile alot.

"Yeah! Go inside, Sephiroth!" Kadaj said, jumping off the mountain.

"Yeah, no thanks..." Sephiroth said. "I'm alright here."

"But you HAVE to go inside the Candy Mountain cave, Sephiroth!" Aeris beamed, as crazy music began to play.

Suddenly, the word CANDY on the sign CANDY MOUNTAIN came ALIVE! And the letters started dancing, and the letter Y began to sing.

"Oh, when you're down and looking for some cheering up - Then just head right on down to the Candy Mountain cave!"

And then there was more singing and Kadaj and Aeris started dancing... Very strangley... And then Sephiroth just snapped.

"FFFFFFIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! I'LL GO INTO THE FRIGGIN' CAVE!"

And then he walked inside. Kadaj and Aeris giggled in the distance.

"Goodbye, Sephiroth!" They said.

"Goodbye, wha--"

And then the CAVE DOOR SHUT AND EVERYTHING WAS PITCH BLACK AND...

"Hey wha...? Who's there?"

And suddenly, he was knocked out, and he woke up again back in the evil layer.

"Wha... What happened...?"

Sephiroth then looked down at a scar in his side.

"AW HELL, THEY TOOK MY FRIGGIN' KIDNEY!"

------------------------------------------------------------------

And then he woke for REAL!

"AGH! Wow... What a weird dream..."

Anyway, 10 minutes later, THE DOORBELL RANG!

Aeris walked to the door and opened it and stood there was... Red XIII! YAY! Because I feel bad about not having Red in this so far. He was dressed as a giant banana, holding maracas. I know Red has trouble standing, never mind dancing, but... Let's say he perfected his technique!

"IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! WEY-YA! WEY-YA! WEY-YA! WEY-YA! (and more random sounds that probably weren't the right ones)! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! DO THE PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY WITH A BASEBALL BAT! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY WITH A BASEBALL BAT!"

"Huh...?" Aeris said, blinking.

"... ...PEANUT BUTTER JELLY!" Red said hopefully.

"That's nice..." Said Aeris uneasily, before shutting the door.

Red walked away from the door sadly.

"Well, at least Dublya and Tone liked it..."

------------------------------------------------------------------

Then, Aeris went up to her room, and grabbed her PS3! YAY! Why does Aeris have a PS3 when Seph only has a PS2? Well, because... I dunno. Anyway, she whipped out a dance mat and went downstairs to set up the PS3 in the lounge, because she had more room there, and then began dancing.

A RESIDENT CACTUAR PARODY! Which is a RESIDENT EVIL PARODY! WHOOP-WHOOP!

Sephiroth just... Stared at her. She looked... CRAZY! It's not like she's as good as Kuja or Lenne on these things! (see The Quest For The Evil Hair Products for details on that joke.)

"WHAT NOW!" She yelled, pointing at him after she finished. "YOU SAW IT WITH YOUR OWN EYES! I beat it on HEAVY!"

"Great..." He said dully. "You beat the title screen on heavy..."

"Oh! Oh! It's 5 o'clock! You know what time it is?" She asked.

"Aeris, you're not even wearing a wat--"

"CLUBBING AT WAL-MART!"

And then the scene skipped ahead to Wal-Mart, and everything went all disco-ish, and Aeris started dancing to a very weird dance tune, which was just random beats and a constant bass line. Did I mention it was at Wal-Mart? Of ALL places...

But, then... THEN! A load of ZOMBIES CAME! Ehehehe... ZOM-BEHS! ZZZZOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHSSSSS!

"OH MY GOD! The undead LIVE!" Aeris shrieked.

"Uh... Yeah..." Sephiroth said, trying to figure out what she REALLY meant by that because... The undead DO live. Living people are the undead... And they... Live.

Then, all the zombies just... Went away, because it was the end of this parody. So, they went home, seeing as Aeris goes shopping on Wednesdays... Hahahaha!

------------------------------------------------------------------

Now we go to the SHM, who were stood around a cauldron, dressed as witches, in a desperate attempt for a Shakespeare parody.

"When shall we three meet again?" Kadaj asked. "In thunder, lightning or in PAIN!"

"Rain, Kadaj..." Yazoo corrected him. "Rain..."

"That there be the sun of set!" Loz yelled.

"THE SET OF SUN, YOU IDIOT!" Shouted Yazoo, very annoyed. "This is STUPID!"

He pulled off the outfit.

"I'm not doing this anymore!"

Then, Kadaj walked to the edge of a balcony, wearing a very swishy dress.

"Romeo! Romeo! Wherefore art thou, Romeo?" He asked melodramatically.

But there was no one there.

"CUT!" The director dude yelled. "WHERE THE HELL IS CLOUD?"

"Cloud's dead!" Kadaj said. "I thought you found a replacement!"

"Dang! The only person we can replace him with is... LOZ!"

Loz sprung back onto the screen, since he wasn't on it.

"Never fear! Loz is here!"

"Umm... Actually, I've changed my mind!" The director dude said uneasily. "There can be no replacement! Filming is cancelled!"

"...But, I can keep the dress, right?" Asked Kadaj hopefully.

Yazoo then came back on stage, singing 'There's No Buisness Like Show Buisness'. Suddenly, a load of Caberet people and show people and all those crazy people joined him and sung along and danced and it was CRAZY! HAHAHAHA!

Loz had taken this diversion to go to his dressing room and whip out his SECRET WEAPON! He did NOT want Yazoo upstaging him! He came back on after Yazoo's song had finished, wearing a Japanese school girl sailor-style outfit, with a curly blonde wig and a sailor hat and holding a giant lollipop! YAY! Wait... Ewww...

"On the good ship LOLLIPOP, it's a sweet trip toa candy shop! Where bon-bons play, on the sunny beach of Peppermint BAY!" He sang whilst dancing.

Everything was suddenly SILENT. Kadaj stared at him, his jaw wide open.

"My GOD man!" Yazoo yelled, with much the same expression as Kadaj. "That's just DISGUSTING!"

And I know this chapter was incredibly short, stupid and pointless, but I needed to pass time... With random stupidness.

And that, my friends, is where we...

**BASS IT!**

I got a few questions from BrokenAngel(13) again.

**BrokenAngel:**

**1. Does Sephiroth have any other games than GTA?**

Sephiroth: Well, I have Chocobo Jam and the PS1 version of Mog House, but that's practically it... Apart from GTA.

**2. Why do you hate Cloud?**

ArcBus: I don't hate Cloud! I LOVE Cloud! (In a non-sexual way...) I was the only one who went to his funeral! (sniff)

Let's have MMMMOOOORRRREEEEEEEEEEEE questions, please! I do LOVE them ALOT! (hugs the questions) Yey!

Hey, the FC didn't appear in this chapter... OH WELL! XD TOO LATE NOW!

Mary-Sue: WHADDAYA MEAN IT'S TOO LATE?


	9. A 'Questionable' Chapter

**UNDYING PIE**

_There is no SANE explanation to the title, really. It was adapted from my story Undying Storm, but only because it was an AeriSeph fic, and so is this... Kind of... Ha! And also... Aeris makes alot of pies and cookies... Well, enjoy a very random and practically pointless story! Ciao!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own FF. Live with it._

------------------------------------------------------------------

**CHAPTER NINE - A 'Questionable' Chapter**

So, let's have the FAQ early! WHY NOT?

I received a question from Tishannia. And y'all probably know where this is going now.

**Tishannia:**

Did Sephiroth want to (or was he forced to) marry Aerith?

Well, by Aerith I presume you mean Aeris... ARGH! All the different spellings of names confuse me! AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH! It was Aeris in the game, so I just call her that. Even though in Advent Children she was listed as Aerith Gainsborough in the credits, her name was never mentioned... So... AAAAHHH! AERIS! AERIS! AERIS! AERIS! Ahem... It's the same with Tifa! On the credits... Tifa **LOCKHART**? WTFZORZ? It's Tifa LOCKH**E**ART, WITH A GODDAMN **E**! At least, that's how it was in the manual! THE SAME WITH BARRETT! THE MANUAL MADE ME SPELL HIS NAME WITH TWO Ts! EVEN THOUGH IN THE GAME AND IN ADVENT CHILDREN... IT WAS WITH ONE! AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

...Okay, so I'll try to spell it Barret in my other fics, but this and WRH are pretty much fucked. It's Aeris in my opinion, and I don't care what the hell Square says, it's still LOCKHEART!

I shall also say if anyone, like me, saw FFVII: About Random Battles before getting all that far on FFVII, you will have picked up pronouncing Tifa with an 'if' sound, like in Tiffany. I did. Until I found myself CONVINCING myself it was Tee-fa. You're still not going to change how I pronounce Tidus, though! TTTTYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY-DUS! IT JUST SOUNDS COOLER THAN TEEEEEEEEEE-DUS!

Okay, so, disregard that. I DO have the answer...

...Encased in this chapter!

So, read on, m'kay?

**IT'S PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY TIME!**

**...DO THE PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY WITH A BASEBALL BAT! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY! PEANUT BUTTER JELLY WITH A BASEBALL BAT!**

------------------------------------------------------------------

Aeris and Sephiroth were going about their normal daily routines, like they usually do in this story, when alluva sudden...

...THE DOORBELL RANG! WHOOPIEZORZ!

Aeris opened the door, and who was stood at the door but... THE SHM! YAY!

"Hey Aeris!" Kadaj said, waving. "We were just wondering if you had a Save Point around here..."

"Oh, hi guys!" She smiled in her crazy flower girl way. "Yeah, there's a Save Point in the back yard."

"Kay, thanks!"

Then, they shut the door. JUST LIKE THAT! Aeris paused, and then... Just... Walked off back into the kitchen to continue making all those cookies she makes as part of the story plot.

But what she DIDN'T know was that the SHM were setting up a tent in the back yard! You know, how you use tents at the Save Points in FFVII... Yeah? Well, like that... Umm... Yeah. Tent. Save Point... ... ... Yeah...

"YAY! CAMPING! YAY!" Loz said in a very exited tone, diving into the set up tent head first.

Kadaj and Yazoo climbed in after him.

"So what's our plan now...?" Yazoo asked in his dubbed AC voice, that sounds, in a very uncanny way, alot like Seymour...

"Dunno. We don't really have a plan. We just have disposable tents and no actual place to live..." Kadaj said, looking very... Kadaj-ish.

"I LOVE CAMPING!" Loz squealed, before getting lost in his sleeping bag. "HELP! I'M STUCK! AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Yazoo sighed, shaking his head, and then unzipped the sleeping bag. Loz crawled out of the material pile.

"Phewf!"

"Hey, so, what should we do about the fact that we're unemployed now they fired us from the show?" Yazoo asked.

"Dunno." Kadaj said again. He 'dunno' much.

Since the SHM aren't very important, let's go INSIDE the house!

------------------------------------------------------------------

Sephiroth was going about his usual 'plot-against-Shinra-play-GTA' routine in the evil layer that evening, when Aeris stormed in, ignoring all the KEEP OUT signs, brandishing a newspaper.

"Oh... Déjavu..." He said, blinking at the newspaper, seeing as how halfway through Chapter Seven, she had burst in with a newspaper about the Edea Kramner show. But that was Thursday and Friday's news. It was now Sunday. I think... Yeeaahhh...

"F-Y-I: I was just reading up on REALTIONSHIP PROBLEMS!" Aeris yelled, whacking him over the head with the paper.

"Aeris, for the last time, we do not have relationship problems."

"YES WE DO! IT CLEARLY SAYS HERE!"

She handed him the newspaper. He just handed it right back to her. This was one argument he WASN'T going to let her win!

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have people to kill."

Then, Sephiroth just resumed playing GTA. But Aeris was VERY determined. VVVVEERRRRYYY! This was one argument she WASN'T going to let him win! So, she began reading aloud all the crazy possible reasons why they had relationship problems.

"Reason number 1 - CHEATING!"

Of course, it was proved earlier on the Sephiroth would NEVER cheat on Aeris. Who would he cheat on her with? Cloud? Hahaha! Don't make me laugh! She continued the big long list.

"... Reason number 29 - LACK OF SEX!"

"That's not true!" He yelled at her. "I sleep with you when you're not looking!"

Wuh-oh... That's gotta be the WORST thing to say to a woman at a time like that... Guys, you better be taking notes... STEER **COMPLETLY** CLEAR!

Estuans interius, ira vehementi! Aeris turned a very angry looking red, with steam billowing from her ears. She raised a shaking fist, on which she was wearing her bangle with materia slots, which happened to have the Ultima Materia in one of its slots, and ZERO Bahamut in another.

She screamed, and released Ultima, then ZERO Bahamut, then Ultima again, then ZERO Bahamut again, then Ultima again (don't worry. She has 9999HP and 999MP, and the crazy HP MP materia that switches HP and MP around, so she actually has 999HP and 9999MP, and also one MP cost for everything), then ZERO Bahamut again, then Ultima, then finally ZERO Bahamut again.

"Okay. Ow..." Sephiroth said, not trying to look as if he were in THAT much pain. "Ah, who am I kidding? OHEFHAOLEHFASPFJOHEFHIA! MMSDIUHFIASD! OWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOWOMGZORZTHATISTHEMOSTPAINANYONEHASEVERBEENINOWOWOWOWOWWOWOWOMGZORZOMGZORZ! THE PPPPAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNN IS UNIMAGINABLE! AH! AH! AH! AH! OW! OW! OW! OW! PPPPPPPPAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNNNNN! OMGZORZ! OMGZORZ! WTFZORZ! DHFISEHFIHSKDHVIZFEISHJDIFJSIFJSIIEHRIASHFBAIUDBFGFUIADFUIAERJIDJIGJADIFJAIEHFIAHUHDAHWUWH! HFKDIJKSEHJFHRUHIHXUVBDUHIJSDIHGISDHGUIAHJEHIRUAHHRWJYUK47777777777777777777777!"

"YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT ME! I'LL BET YOU DON'T EVEN LOVE ME! I'M LEAVING YOU!" Aeris declared to the whole world, before whipping out her suitcase with nothing in it and going downstairs and out of the front door.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Meanwhile, the SHM had heard the screaming, and crawled out of their tent to see what was going on.

"Umm... Aeris?" Yazoo asked as she stormed down the driveway. "What's going on?"

"I'M LEAVING THAT LAZY, GOOD FOR NOTHING JERK!" She roared.

"You are?" Kadaj asked. "Cool! You should come stay with us!"

"Um... Okay." Aeris agreed. "But where do you live?"

"We live in a tent at the Save Point in the back yard!" Loz grinned.

"Cool!" She said.

And so, they all squeezed into the crazy little tent! Aeris left her empty suitcase outside.

So, they just sat around, until they heard a very strange noise...

...VOICES! GASP!

It was... The remainder of the Sephiroth FC! GASP!

"I wonder what that screaming was..." OC said.

"What does it matter?" Mary-Sue said. "We're..."

And suddenly, as they began snooping around the back yard, Loz confronted them.

"Who're you two?" He asked.

They paused.

"Umm... We're travelling crazy people!" Mary-Sue said randomly off the top of her head.

"TRAVELLING CRAZY PEOPLE?" Loz beamed. "YAY! COME WITH ME!"

Then, he dragged them into the tent.

"CRAZY PEOPLE! YAY!" He said.

"Oh wow!" Kadaj said, not even caring about the fact Loz had just stuffed two strangers into the tent with them. "We should play spin the bottle now we have even amounts of guys and girls!"

As if only he were smart enough to figure THAT out!

"Aeris, you can spin first!" He said.

"AERIS?" Mary-Sue and OC cried, realising that... GASP! YES! IT WAS AERIS! Yazoo was holding the flashlight, since it was dark... DUH!

"Um... Okay!" Aeris agreed, and then spun the... "Umm... Okay, guys, we don't have a bottle to spin."

Everyone groaned.

"Then, let's play... TRUTH OR DARE!" Kadaj yelled.

"LET ME GO FIRST!" Mary-Sue roared. This was her BIG chance! "AERIS! I DARE YOU TO... ...GO OUTSIDE!"

Aeris blinked.

"Okay..."

She crawled out of the tent. Then, Mary-Sue grabbed OC and went out too. The SHM didn't suspect a thing! I wonder why...

"So, Aeris, I NOW dare you to get inside that empty suitcase!" Mary-Sue said, pointing to... The empty suitcase. What else?

"Umm... Are you sure this is how you play this game?" Aeris asked, getting a little suspicious.

"Just get inside!" OC said. "Get inside and you win!"

"Okay!" She agreed in her special ditsy Aeris way, climbing inside and pulling the top down over her.

OC then zipped the two zips up to the middle, and padlocked them together.

"Mwa ha ha ha ha! This worked out better than we planned!" Mary-Sue laughed manically like those creepy echos in the Icarian City and the Dom Ruins in Grandia. Boy, those are CREEPY echos! "We didn't even know it would be so easy! Like taking greens from a Chocobo! Ehehehehehe..."

She took out a pen and a piece of paper and wrote on it. OC lifted the now very heavy suitcase, and Mary-Sue left the note in place of the case and then helped carry the suitcase off, back to the Shinra HQ!

OMGZORZ! The Sephiroth FC kidnapped Aeris, and the SHM did absolutely NOTHING! NOTHING I TELL YOU! NNNNOOOOOTTTHHHHHIIIIIIINNNNNNGGGG!

------------------------------------------------------------------

As she was being kidnapped, Sephiroth was sat in his evil layer casting Cure on himself since he hadn't got his Restore materia to a higher level than 1 yet. He was first of all wishing that he had Aeris's MASTER Restore materia, and second of all wishing that he had Aeris... AAAWWWWWWWWW! No, wait... We need a bigger 'Aw'. AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!

There we go.

Now, it's flashback time! YAY!

---FLAAASHBAAACK!---

Elmyra was once again yelling at Aeris. We all know it's because she doesn't like Sephiroth... Anyway, that day, Aeris was tired of being yelled at, so she bought a house so they could live together... WITHOUT Elmyra!

"Mom. Sephiroth and I are going to live together - alone - on the Top Plate." Aeris announced.

"NO!" Elmyra yelled.

"SCREW YOU! YOU'RE NOT MY REAL MOM!"

Aeris then threw an empty vase across the room. It smashed on the wall.

So, after many dire attempts to stop them, Elmyra gave up, and slumped in an armchair... Like you do after you fail at trying to do stuff like this.

"Hey, you know what would REALLY tick Mom off?" Aeris asked, trying to get revenge.

"What? What would?" Sephiroth said, looking out of the window to see if there were any Shinra executives passing by that he could shoot. "Burning the house?"

"No... Well, yeah..."

"Umm... Living ALONE together?"

"No... Well, yeah..."

"Umm... Getting married?"

"No... Well, yeah..."

They thought about these three options, and since they were already doing one, they decided to do another... And that was...

...BURN DOWN ELMYRA'S HOUSE!

No, they didn't really. They decided to...

...GET MARRIED!

And so followed the crazy wedding. Which was so crazy it was a parody of the FFX wedding. Cloud and the rest of the FFVII gang came skateboarding down ropes into the glass roof of the... ummm... Place. Y'kow... The top part of Bevelle... But it's okay. It was safety glass, so it didn't smash, it just left them stuck there on the roof for a while. Suckers.

Maester Kinoc got all of the crazy Yevonites to shoot at the Highwind.

"ARGH SHIT!" Cid yelled, swerving out of control. Notice that every Cid in every FF has an Airship? (That I know of, anyway)

Then, Cloud was screaming before he got knocked out and forgot about EVERYTHING that was happening there. "NO! AERIS! DON'T DO IT!"

"Fuck this. Once this is over, I'm killing myself." Elmyra said, also stuck on the glass after joining with Cloud and the gang and sliding down the ropes.

Maester Mika, looking very old (cough)unsent(cough), lifted one of his hands like all those crazy Maesters of Yevon do. He nodded.

"You may now kiss the bride."

"OH MY GOD! NO!" Cloud shouted, banging on the glass. "I OBJUICE! I OBJUICE!"

"Uh... It's object, Cloud..." Tifa whispered, since she didn't want to object so she could get Cloud and then leave him for Vincent. The PERFECT crime!

But it was too late anyway... Sephiroth walked up to Aeris and shut his eyes and pulled in and...!

Cloud's heart broke, and just knocked him out. Elmyra looked away.

The crazy parody was OVER!

The crazy flashback was OVER!

---FLAAASHFORWAAARD!---

Actually, there was no point in the flashforward.

**BASS IT!**

WOW! I just answered a question as a chapter! Any more questions? (I can't promise that they'll all be chapters, but I DO answer practically every question I'm asked)

I LOVE QUESTIONS!

YAY! GO FAQ! YAY!


	10. Suddenly The Plot Is Serious

**UNDYING PIE**

_There is no SANE explanation to the title, really. It was adapted from my story Undying Storm, but only because it was an AeriSeph fic, and so is this... Kind of... Ha! And also... Aeris makes alot of pies and cookies... Well, enjoy a very random and practically pointless story! Ciao!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own FF. Live with it. I don't own Grandia either. I love both! GO GO RPGS!_

------------------------------------------------------------------

**CHAPTER TEN - Suddenly The Plot Is Serious**

For some reason, I decided to parody Grandia in this chapter. Is this chapter serious? More so than the others. Is it classed as serious? Not really.

The SHM were still camping. They had been waiting for twenty minutes so that Loz could have a turn at Truth or Dare.

"Y'know... Maybe the girls just aren't playing anymore." Kadaj said. "I'll go ask them."

He crawled out of the tent.

"Hey, Aeris, random girls, are you still--"

He looked around. THEY WEREN'T THERE! GASP!

"Huh? Girls?"

"Is something wrong, Kadaj?" Yazoo asked, still sounding like a possessed Seymour, poking his head around the opening flap of the tent.

"Yeah! They're gone!"

Yazoo climbed out.

"Aeris's suitcase is gone, too." He said, pointing to the empty (well, sort of empty) space in which Aeris's suitcase was.

"Wait. There's something here." Kadaj said, picking up the note left. "...It's a note..."

He began reading it aloud... Without emphasis.

"Congratulations - Sephiroth! Your darling Aeris has been kidnapped by the SFC!"

Loz rolled very unprofessionally head first out of the tent in the background.

"The SFC?" Yazoo asked. "Are they our alternate dimension versions? Like... Silver Fingered Crossdressers?"

"Dunno..." Kadaj replied, since he didn't see what colour the girls' fingers were, and he didn't know if they were actually guys dressed as girls. Then, he continued reading. "There's more..."

Loz tried to stand, but couldn't, and fell onto his back, kicking his legs weakly as if he were an upside down turtle... Tortoise... Turtle... ... Terrapin?

"If you want to save Aeris, come to the fifth room on the sixty-seventh floor of the Shinra HQ! You have until ten tonight. If you do not come, you will never see her pretty little face EVER AGAIN! Hwa ha ha ha ha ha haaaa!"

Kadaj looked at Yazoo.

"We have to show this to Sephiroth! How long is it until ten?"

"It's nine. There's an hour left." Yazoo said, even though he's not wearing a watch. The magic of ArcBus telekinetic time-telling told him (lotsa alliteration there!)

They ran to the front, ignoring the struggling, grass-stain covered Loz.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Sephiroth was STILL casting Cure on himself. He has alot of HP, OKAY? Probably so much that the Knights of the Round couldn't knock him to 0hp, even with Cloud using it with his 999 Magic power! But Cloud's dead, and dead people can't cast magic or summon summons. However, he has returned to the Planet, and therefore his magical knowledge will one day become materia! He will be the CLOUDO SUMMONING! With OMNISLASH as his attack! Anyway, not even Yuna's shizz-nizzle-'are-you-for-rizzle?' Bahamut that does 30000 damage with every regular attack, and 90000 with every Mega Flare couldn't get rid of all of Sephiroth's HP! I mean, Aeris's ZERO Bahamut and Ultima pattern didn't. It just really, really hurt him!

So, yeah, Sephiroth was STILL casting Cure on himself, in the dark, because he couldn't be bothered to find the light switch and turn it on (so much effort...), when... THE DOORBELL RAND! OMGZORZ!

He went to open it, and it was... THE SHM! Well, who ELSE were you expecting? Loz was slowly limping to the doorway in the background. The other two were already there.

Kadaj immediately handed Sephiroth the FC's note.

"Read this."

He read it.

"Hmph... What do I care?" He said, handing it back to him.

"WHAT DO YOU CARE? Aeris has been kidnapped, you idiot! You SHOULD care!"

"If I can't help Aeris, then why go? It doesn't matter either way..."

"HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT?"

Sephiroth turned to walk away from the door. And so begins the Grandia parody.

"Look, you have to understand!" Kadaj yelled. "There's only one place for you - And that's where Aeris is!"

He turned back, shut the door on them, and then went back to whatever it was he was doing before... Um... Oh yeah! Casting Cure!

The door opened slightly again, and the note was dropped inside, before the door shut again. Sephiroth decided to... LOCK THE DOOR! It seemed logical. Even though he's ILlogical. Q4DAEHP!

"She was right to leave me..." He said to himself, as that magical sound that comes every time Cure is cast... Sounded. "Because... Because she's better without me..."

But then, he went back to the note... And read it through again.

"...And that's why I can't save her... Why I can't even protect the one I love..."

Suddenly, there was a bright light, and from the bright light... LIETE APPEARED! YAY!

"What the hell?" Sephiroth exclaimed, as Liete floated down from the light.

"My greetings." Liete said. "I am Liete, the Priestess of Alent, and the Legendary Level 99 White Mage."

Okay, so Liete's actually just a MAGE in GENERAL, but WHAT DO I CARE?

"Tell me. What were you seeking when you opened the door?"

"I didn't open the door." He said. "I locked it."

"Oh..." Liete said. "Hmm... Well, whatever you're brooding about, you shouldn't be brooding about it. You should go to her. You should save her."

"But... I..."

"You don't remember your promise?"

"What promise?"

"Okay. Flashback time!"

And alluva sudden there was a blinding light, and there was a...

---FLAAASHBAAACK!---

Back before they got married... A year ago, maybe. Heck, I dunno, but it was far enough back... Umm... Yeeaahh... Back before they got married, Aeris and Sephiroth went to... Uhh... (think of an area off the top of my head... ...Uh...) WUTAI! And they were stood on one of those cool Japanese bridges they have over the streams, looking over into the water on one of those romantic nights were everything's dark, and there's only the moon and the stars and everything's all... Pwetty...

"So... You're from SOLDIER, ne?" Aeris asked.

"Yeah..." Sephiroth replied, trying not to sound like it was the MOST OBVIOUS THING IN THE ENTIRE WORLD!

"Hmm... So, you would be able to save me if I was ever in trouble?"

"Probably..."

"Well, then promise me!"

"...Promise you?"

"Yeah! Promise me that if I'm ever in trouble, you'll come and save me!"

"Umm... Okay... I promise..."

---FLAAASHFORWAAARD!---

"See?" Liete said.

Sephiroth paused, and suddenly... TIFA APPEARED! GASP!

"You stole my promise to Cloud." Tifa said, looking pretty pissed, and also insanely GOTHIC!

"How'd you get in here?" He asked.

"I found the spare key."

"Look, I can't keep the promise anyway..." Sephiroth said, shaking his head.

"Why?" Tifa asked, since she hadn't been really informed of the events anyway.

"Why do you think?" He said. "Maybe everything's better this way."

"She's been kidnapped!" Liete pressed. "**KIDNAPPED**!"

"Then you go save her. It's not my problem anymore..."

"Oh, but... Women always dream of being saved by the man they love!" Liete said, sounding slightly like Milda. Same game, same voice actress. "That goes for Aeris, too."

"Yeah..." Tifa agreed, and then had a hallucination in which she was saved by Vincent at the Nibel reactor instead of Cloud. Wouldn't THAT have been crazy? He could've just broken out of the Shinra Mansion somehow and gone to the reactor, shot Sephiroth before he could've attacked her (because let's face it - Cloud was late; All he did was carry her to the side!), and then--

"Hey... HEY! Tifa! Tifa!" Sephiroth said, snapping his fingers in front of her face. "TIFA!"

"Uh... Huh? Oh, sorry. We were talking about being saved?"

"Yeah. Ten minutes ago."

"Umm... Okay."

"So, what are you going to do?" Liete asked.

"Well, I'm going to change the lock on the door..." Sephiroth said, scratching the back of his head. "But first - I'm going to..."

She waited for him to say 'RESCUE AERIS!'. However...

"...Go watch TV, I think..."

"(Sigh)... Okay, FINE!" Liete groaned. "Even as one who waits for eternity to pass, I must say the time I've been here convincing you has been very much wasted. Farewell, and remember - The door of Alent will NOT open for you."

And then, she disappeared, JUST LIKE THAT!

"Sephiroth... There's no one else who can save Aeris now..." Tifa said. "It's up to you... If you can't save her, who else can?"

He didn't reply. She shook her head and walked out.

"...Irritating..."

Sephiroth sighed, and walked upstairs, stuffing the note into his pocket.

------------------------------------------------------------------

When he got upstairs, he paused, and went into... Aeris's room. The room smelt of Aeris. (Aeris smells of flowers, just so you know)

He went to the window and shut the curtains. The curtains smelt of Aeris.

He sat on the bed for a little while. The bedding smelt of Aeris.

He sighed, got up, and opened her closet. The air in the closet smelt like Aeris.

He looked at all her alternate outfits (KHII/BC, the one she wore to Don Corneo's mansion, e.t.c). They all smelt like Aeris.

He closed the closet and walked over to her drawers, and opened the top one. The room... Still smelt like Aeris, I guess.

He took out a pair of her... Silk panties... and held them close to his face. They smelt like Aeris.

_'Kay... Damn, I wish I'd gotten into these before she left...' _He thought. Yeah, but if he had, there would be no relationship problems between them and this story wouldn't really have a plot!

As I was saying... He was... Holding her panties... When the note suddenly unfolded in his pocket... Y'know... Like notes do when you scrunch them up.

The note... Yeah... That crazy note that would help him make EVERYTHING better!

Now, I'm not saying Seph's being a coward... But you're probably yelling 'GO FOR AERIS, ALREADY!' right now. Or at least THINKING it!

Moving the panties away from his face, he reached for the note and read it again, before stuffing it into his pocket... Again... And walking out.

Then, he went into the evil layer.

He knelt down by the side of the bed, and looked under it.

He took something out from under it... Which was...

...A glass case...

...And inside the glass case was something that's only just made an appearance...

...It was...

...THE MASAMUNE! YAY! In all it's scary long shiny sharp-ness!

Sephiroth flicked the glass case open magically, like everything magically opens in FFVII, and took it out. And then he had one of those weird things where every convincing comment quoted in the chapter so far passed through his mind. You know what I mean!

_'There's only one place for you - And that's where Aeris is!'_

_'You should go to her. You should save her.'_

_**'Well, then promise me!'**_

_'Women always dream of being saved by the man they love!'_

_'There's no one else who can save Aeris now...'_

_**'Yeah! Promise me...'**_

_'...It's up to you...'_

_'...If you can't save her, who else can?'_

_**'...That if I'm ever in trouble, you'll come and save me!'**_

------------------------------------------------------------------

So, I'll bet you're wondering what's actually happening with Aeris and the crazy FC that kidnapped her! Well, Mary-Sue and OC had got the suitcase to the fifth room on the sixty-seventh floor of the Shinra HQ at nine o'clock EXACTLY!

Mary-Sue got a big hammer, and smashed the padlock, and opened the suitcase. All the time, you KNOW she was thinking the same thing as Yzma was thinking when she was thinking of a way to kill Kuzco, i.e. the FLEA! 'I'll turn him into a flea... A harmless little flea... And I'll put that flea in a box, and put that box inside another box, and then I'll mail that box to myself... And when it arrives - AHAHAHAH! I SMASH IT WITH A HAMMER!'

Aeris quickly jumped out.

"I WON!" She exclaimed. "Huh? Where am I?"

She looked around. Quickly, OC got a rope, pushed her to the floor and tied her up.

"Ooof! HEY! What are you doing?"

"Nothing much. We're just using you as a lure." Mary-Sue said, still brandishing the hammer.

"A lure? For what?" Aeris asked, as OC pulled her up.

"Oooh...!" OC replied with a smirk. "You'll just have to wait and see!"

"You kidnapped me!"

"Well, that's a little obvious..." Mary-Sue said.

OC pushed the struggling Aeris into a chair and tied her to it with Eez-E-Break Dental Floss. Q4DAEHP!

"Anyway, let me introduce myself. My name is Maryland-Suzanne. But you can just call me Mary-Sue. I am the President of this whole thing."

"And I'm Olivia-Caroline, aka. OC!" OC (who ELSE?) said, stepping back. "And this... Is..."

Suddenly, the light in the room broke, and flashed on and off at random intervals as OC pulled up FAN GIRL'S CORPSE BY HER HAIR! AAAAHHHHHHHH!

"Francesca Girdle... Fan Girl."

Aeris screamed, almost falling backwards with the chair.

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH! ZOMBIE! ZZZZOOOOOOMMMMMMMBBBBBBBBBBBEEEEEEEEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

Mary-Sue looked up at the flashing light that was creating a scary effect.

"Hmm... I better turn the light off." She said, and then she walked over to the switch and turned the light off.

OC dropped Fan Girl and whipped out a dim battery-powered table lamp, which she put on the nearby... Table.

"That's better."

"Anyway, together, we are the SFC! MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA!" Mary-Sue laughed manically.

Suddenly, the door opened. Reno poked his head around it.

"Bah! Blasted weather. One suspected that this evening would be ruined by rain. Oh, yes, and there's a power shortage because of the upcoming storm. You girls are in charge of turning on the lightning rod tower at the top of the building. Toodle-oo!"

And, for my own crazy purposes, we will call this storm... the UNDYING STORM! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAAAA! I am laughing like Baal. Mwa ha ha. I have the SPIRIT SSSSSSSTTTTTTTTTOOOONNNNEEEEEE!

Anyway, Reno didn't see what was going on in there, and then just left.

"A storm, eh?" Mary-Sue said, suddenly chuckling madly. "Heheheheheh... I just might have an idea!"

She continued to chuckle, and rubbed her hands together. OC laughed along with her.

Meanwhile, Aeris... Looked pretty freaked out! She closed her eyes, thinking hard...

_'Sephiroth... You promised me... You promised you would come and save me if I was ever in trouble...'_

DUN-DUN-DDDDDDDDDDDUUUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN!

CLIFFHANGER!

**BASS IT!**

No questions for this one. They'll be answered in the next... If there are any... Sigh... Oh well. Life goes on. Hehehehe...


	11. With Music Accompaniment!

**UNDYING PIE**

_There is no SANE explanation to the title, really. It was adapted from my story Undying Storm, but only because it was an AeriSeph fic, and so is this... Kind of... Ha! And also... Aeris makes alot of pies and cookies... Well, enjoy a very random and practically pointless story! Ciao!_

_DISCLAIMER: I don't own FF. Live with it._

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**CHAPTER ELEVEN - WITH MUSIC ACCOMPANIMENT! **

Taking the Masamune (but not Aeris's panties) with him, Sephiroth left the house. It was dark and cold and looked like rain was gonna come (DRAMATIC IRONY! We all know the Undying Storm's coming), so why was he going out?

He had, at LLLOOOONNNGGGG last, decided to... SAVE AERIS! YAY!

YAY! HE'S FINALLY GOING TO SAVE AERIS!

...YAY!

He had until ten, and if you can't tell the time, you're probably thinking 'Prff... That's LOADS of time!'

But no, you are sadly mistaken. Sadly, sadly mistaken...

...And as we switch scenes throughout this chapter, you will begin to understand why...

...Um... Anyway...

------------------------------------------------------------------

Back at the Shinra HQ, the FC was still laughing.

"H-Hey, I've got an idea too!" Aeris said uneasily.

They weren't really too bothered, but they stopped her annoying chuckling to hear her out.

"What? What is it?" Mary-Sue asked.

"Well, since you kidnapped me to use me as a lure, and we're just waiting for whatever it is to come, why don't we play a game to pass the time?" Aeris suggested.

"Umm... Okay." Mary-Sue agreed.

"Which game should we play?" OC asked.

"I have a great game we can play!" Beamed Aeris. Little did they know that Aeris is actually SMART! GASP! She had a plan to... Well... Actually, it wasn't really going to help the situation at all, but she had a plan to at least annoy the FC for a while! "It's SINGING!"

"Singing? That's not really a game..." Mary-Sue said.

"Oh, but you can make it a game!" Aeris said in a very disturbingly happy tone. "I'll go first to give you an idea!"

She breathed in to her lungs until they hurt, and then sung as loud as she could to smile.DK's song BUMBLE BEE! YYYYYAAAAAYYYYYY! Sugar-filled happy GOODNESS! AND... ANNOYANCE! HWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HAA!

"My heart skips a beat when you walk in the room! I go BOOM-BOOM-BOOM, you go ZOOM-ZOOM-ZOOM!"

Mary-Sue and OC instantly plugged their ears. HAHAHAH!

"You're my play-boy, play-toy, lover, my friend! I wanna be with yoooouuuuu untiiiiiiiiiil the end! I gave my heart and my soul to you, to make you see its trruuuuueeeee! I'm so confused, baby, can't you see? Please come reeeesssscccuuuueeee meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee!"

And then realising what she was singing, she stopped. And sighed. Poor Aeris... Poor, poor, kidnapped, confused, ditsy Aeris. Her plan had only worked for about 28 seconds...

The FC unplugged their ears.

"Oh, uh, very good! Who's turn is it next?" OC asked.

"Umm... Well, how about you go next?" Aeris said.

"Hmm...?" She said. "Umm... I can't really sing..."

"C'mon, OC! Give it a shot!" Mary-Sue said convincingly.

"OKAY!" OC immediately agreed, and then began singing into a random microphone that just appeared into her hand out of absolute THIN AIR... SIMPLE AND CLEAN? OUT OF KEY? GASP! NOOO! "WHEN YOU WALK AWAY, YOU DON'T HEAR ME SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYY! PPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAASSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE, OH BBBBBBBBBBBAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAABBBBBBBBBBBBYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY DON'T GGGGOOOOOOOOO!"

Mary-Sue shook her head. Aeris... Couldn't plug her ears because she was tied up. Oh God.

"SSSSSSSSSSSIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMPPPPPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE AND CCCCCCCCCCCCCCLLLLLLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNNNNNNNN IS THE WAAAAAAAAAAAY THAT YOU'RE MAAAAKING ME FFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL, TOOONIIIIIGGHHT! IT'S HHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRDDDDDDDDDDDDDD TO LLLLLLLLEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT IIIITTTTT GGGGGGOOOOOOO!"

"OKAY! OKAY!" Aeris yelled. "How about we let Mary-Sue have a turn now?"

OC threw the microphone back into absolute THIN AIR.

"Oh, alright. President?" She asked.

"Umm... Well, actually, I'd like to unveil my plan now, if that's okay with you." Mary-Sue said.

"Alright. We'll play later." Aeris agreed, since she hadn't really carried out her plan very well at that point.

"Sure. OC, go to the window and see how close the storm that Reno was talking about is."

"Okay." OC said with a nod of the head (hey, that rhymes!), and then she walked over to the window and looked out. "Hmm... It's right overhead... Nnnnnn... nnnnn... nnnn... nnnn... nnnnn... nnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn... nnnnnnn... nnnn... n... NOW!"

"MWA HA HA HAHAHAHAHA!" Mary-Sue laughed manically like she always seems to do. "Perfect! Everything is so PERFECT! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!"

She continued to laugh as the Undying Storm billowed and LIGHTNING FLASHED! AAAAHHHHHHHHHH!

------------------------------------------------------------------

So, basically, Sephiroth was running through the streets of Midgar on his way to the Shinra HQ to save Aeris! YAY! When, alluva sudden... The Undying Storm billowed and LIGHTNING FLASHED! AAAAHHHHHHHHHH! He stopped, and looked up, and thunder suddenly boomed and it started to... RRRRAAAAAAAAAIIIIIIINNNNNNNN! GASP! NOOO! Oh well... It's not like Sephiroth is ever really bothered about storms... BUT HE SHOULD BE ABOUT THIS ONE! AAAAAHHHHHHHH! Anyway, as he began running again, soft pop-rock music came on in the background, and he stopped again.

"What the hell?"

_**So lately,**_

_**Been wondering,**_

_**Who will be there to take my place?**_

_**When I'm gone,**_

_**You'll need love,**_

_**To light the shadows on your face.**_

He looked around as that line that I cannot interpret came on.

"What the hell is that music?" He yelled.

"It's a storm... So that's why the power's out, huh..." One of the random dudes that stand in Midgar said, which is probably what he would say in that situation. "You should get inside, you know."

_**Then between the sand and stone,**_

**_Could you make it on your own?_**

"What's that music?" Sephiroth shouted, shaking him. "I'M ON A TIME LIMIT HERE! JUST TELL ME WHAT THAT MUSIC IS!"

_**If I could, **_

_**Then I would,**_

**_I'll go..._**

"Oh... Umm... It sounds to me like The Calling..." The dude replied, as the exact lyrics to the song came on. "...**_Wherever You Will Go_**..."

_**Way up high, **_

_**Or down low,**_

_**I'll go wherever you will go.**_

Sephiroth let go of him.

"Yeah, but why's it playing?" He asked.

_**And maybe,**_

_**I'll find out**_

_**A way to make it back someday.**_

"It's obviously music accompaniment!" The dude replied.

_**To watch you,**_

_**To guide you,**_

_**Through the darkest of your days.**_

"I mean, music that is appropriate for the scene." He continued, as that line that I cannot interpret came on again.

_**Well then I hope there's**_

_**Someone out there who**_

_**Can bring me back to you.**_

"YEAH! WELL! AS APPROPRIATE AS IT IS - IT'S ANNOYING!" Sephiroth yelled to the sky.

_**If I could,**_

_**Then I would...**_

Then, the Music Guy went to the Special Effects Guy, looking pretty pissed, and the Special Effects Guy sent a bolt of lightning from the Undying Storm to hit Sephiroth. But, it's okay. He missed and hit the poor random dude instead, and burnt him to a crisp.

_**I'll go wherever you will go.**_

Sephiroth just shook his head, and continued running to the HQ.

_**Way up high,**_

_**Or down low,**_

_**I'll go where-e-e-e-e-e-e...!**_

Suddenly, the music cut out. The Music Guy was supposed to be in the Music Booth, making sure the music was playing! Hee-hee-hee! What an idiot!

------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, as this was happening, Mary-Sue began writing another note. After she'd written it, she went to whisper her idea to OC. OC laughed manically. Mary-Sue laughed manically. Aeris... DIDN'T LAUGH AT ALL! She just asked what they were whispering about.

"Hmm? Oh, we'll tell you about it in a little while." Mary-Sue said, untying the Eez-E-Break Dental Floss. "Anyway, follow OC."

Aeris stood up (her arms were still tied up with rope, by the way) and followed OC out of the room. Mary-Sue left the note on the chair, and left the room too.

The note said... ...

...AHAHAHAHAH! I'm not going to tell ya! You're just gonna have to read a little bit ahead, aren'tcha?

------------------------------------------------------------------

Soo... Anyway, Sephiroth finally reached the Shinra HQ. It was... 9.40! GASP! HE HAD 20 MINUTES LEFT! EEK!

Since the power was out, the automatic doors weren't working, so he had to go to the side and go up ALL those steps! ALL OF THEM!

"Damn... How much further?" He asked... Himself... As he got to the 32nd floor.

So, just to save me time, he got to the 60th floor, and left the stairway, because that's where the steps end.

"HEY YOU!" Those crazy Shinra guards dressed in that classy red yelled, holding up their guns.

But, Sephiroth just swished the Masamune at them, and they died - JUST LIKE THAT! He stole one of their Level 70 Key Cards, and went to the elevator. He set it for the 67th Floor, and checked the time. 9.50! GASP! HE HAD TEN MINUTES LEFT! EEK! And when he got to the sixty-seventh floor, HE HAD SIX MINUTES LEFT! EEK! Because the elevator was SSSSLLLLOOOOOOOOOWWWWWWWWWWW...

He ran out, burst into the fifth room that the girls were in before and... ...

...It was empty!

"Oh shit..." He said, looking around the room. He then saw the note on the chair.

NOW I'll tell ya what was on the note.

_Sephiroth, if you're reading this, that means you came. Your loyalty to Aeris is admirable, isn't it? _

_She is on the rooftop. And remember - You have until 10. Time is running out. _

_Oh, and by the way, she is filled with vengeance. Watch out._

"Vengeance?" He asked, and then looked over to the left and LIGHTNING FLASHED AS HE SAW FAN GIRL'S CORPSE LYING THERE! "AH! So... It was those girls..."

Five minutes.

The rooftop?

He was about to leave the room when he noticed Fan Girl's arm was left pointing to something. It could've been a coincidence, but... Meh... He looked over at what it was...

It was... The shrine...

...The random Sephiroth shrine...

Lightning flashed again, and he jumped back at all those CRAZY images of... HIMSELF! GASP! SHOCK HORROR! Well, you'd be scared if you discovered a shrine to yourself in a dark room with a dead person and a note on a chair in it!

"What the? Who the hell ARE these people?"

He looked back at the first note that was still stuffed into his pocket and read it.

"The SFC...? The...?"

Then, he left the room quickly, and headed for the elevator again.

------------------------------------------------------------------

On the roof, OC was tying Aeris to the lightning rod tower.

"So... Umm..." Aeris said, looking very uneasily at the stormy sky. "Are you going to tell me what's going on now?"

"Yes. As you know, we kidnapped you as a lure..." Mary-Sue said, looking at the timer that was counting down to ten o'clock. Four minutes and... Umm... Counting. "You know who we're luring?"

Aeris shook her head.

"Sephiroth. That's who."

"And... Why is that?" Aeris asked, trying to ignore the fact that SHE WAS BEING TIED TO A LIGHTNING ROD TOWER IN THE MIDDLE OF THE UNDYING STORM!

"I'm going to be honest with you. Sephiroth is the only man I have ever loved, and the only man I will EVER love!" Mary-Sue explained melodramatically. "But... You see... You're his wife, and you stand in the way! And that is why in three and a half minutes... You will meet your end."

"WHAT? Y-YOU CAN'T DO THAT!"

"I can do whatever I like!" Mary-Sue laughed. "You can't tell me otherwise!"

"B-B-But...!"

"Don't worry!" OC grinned a... Disturbing grin. "Didn't ya know, you've got just over three minutes!"

"That's not the point...!"

"Once I flick this switch here...!" Mary-Sue said, standing at a control panel. "The (insert self-made scientific blah here) will draw the lightning to the tower. You'll die a quick and painful DEATH!"

Mary-Sue and OC laughed again as more thunder and lightning crashed.

Aeris... PRAYED FOR HOLY! Naw, she didn't. She just stood by, repeating the same things over and over in her head.

_'Sephiroth? WHERE ARE YOU? Please! I need you! Please... Help me!'_

Two minutes fifty two.

Two minutes fifty one.

Two minutes fifty.

**BASS IT!**

Golly, ANOTHER cliffhanger! Okay, no questions (pretty quick update. I need to finish this... If you do have any questions, just keep them coming, and if I can't answer them in this story, they'll certainly be answered in...

Du-du-DDDUUUUUUUUUU!

...UNDYING PIE 2!)


	12. Every Story Has An Ending

**UNDYING PIE**

There is no SANE explanation to the title, really. It was adapted from my story Undying Storm, but only because it was an AeriSeph fic, and so is this... Kind of... Ha! And also... Aeris makes alot of pies and cookies... Well, enjoy a very random and practically pointless story! Ciao!

DISCLAIMER: I don't own FF. Live with it.

**------------------------------------------------------------------**

**CHAPTER TWELVE - EVERY STORY HAS AN ENDING**

Final Fantasy X has taught us that every story must have an ending.

I'm sorry guys. Even Undying Pie has an ending! And it's UNDYING!

Two an a half... MEN! No, minutes, left!

The rain was pouring down like rain does, and Mary-Sue was waiting for the timer to stop so that she could click the switch and FOOM! Kill Aeris by using the Undying Storm's lightning! EEPS! OC was at the side, grinning evilly, and wishing she had an umbrella.

------------------------------------------------------------------

As two minutes remained, Sephiroth got off the elevator at the 70th floor, and then found LOTS of steps that lead to the roof. And I mean ALOT of steps. He was currently on the balcony where Cloud fought Rufus, outside the (empty) President's office.

Anyway, he was DETERMINED to save Aeris (he could've been determined when the SHM said she had been kidnapped now, couldn't he? Tut, tut, tut...), and he ran up them like a CRAZY DETERMINED PERSON! w00tzorz!

One minute fifty one.

One minute fifty.

One minute forty nine.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"One minute forty eight." Mary-Sue said with a smirk, turning to look at Aeris.

OC looked up at the sky. The clouds were giving off lotsa crazy fork lightning, and when that lightning rod tower was turned on, Aeris would get all the lightning driven right through her. And we all know that would kill her... Well, DUH! The FC are villains, and their aim WAS to kill her!

One minute twenty nine.

One minute twenty eight.

One minute twenty seven.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Just... Hold on... Aeris, I'm coming... Just hold on..."

Sephiroth was still running up the stairs... Oooohhhh... Can ya feel the tension? Yes... The stairs leading to the roof... Not the ones that Cloud, Tifa and Barrett took, if you've been a mean, lazy person who has missed out the last chapter.

One minute.

Fifty nine seconds.

Fifty eight seconds.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fifty seven seconds!" OC said darkly. "Hehehehehehe..."

Aeris was still... Tied to the lightning rod tower.

She was thinking the same things as before.

'Someone... Anyone... Please, I need--'

Her trail of thoughts was disrupted by Mary-Sue.

"Hey! You got any last requests?" She asked.

"Umm... Yeah... Untie me, please?"

"Uh, no... You can't ask for that."

"Well, okay... Can I have some kind of Bolt proof accessory?"

"No, you can't have that either..."

Forty nine seconds.

Forty eight seconds.

Forty seven seconds.

------------------------------------------------------------------

Soooooo... Sephiroth was at least halfway up the stairs now, still saying the same things in his head. You know... _'Aeris... Hold on... Just a little longer...' _and all the time you know he was REALLY thinking _'CRAP! I'M NOT GONNA MAKE IT! How long do I have left? Shit! Shit! SHIT! I wish none of this had ever happened, and I was still at home with her panties!'_

No, just kidding. He was actually just thinking _'I wish none of this had ever happened, and I was still at home with her.'_, because that's more believable than the panties line. What IS it with RPGs and panties, anyway?

Thirty two seconds.

Thirty one seconds.

Thirty seconds.

------------------------------------------------------------------

"Twenty nine seconds." Mary-Sue said, her finger dangerously close to the switch.

Aeris shut her eyes.

'When I'm in trouble, you'll come for me... You'll come save me...'

Her fists clenched...

TENSION! TENSION, DAMMIT!

'You promised, so why aren't you here already?'

"Twenty seconds!" OC said.

'Where are you?'

Eighteen seconds.

Seventeen seconds.

Sixteen seconds.

"FIFTEEN SECONDS!" Mary-Sue said in one of those crazy deep booming countdown voices.

And so, the suspense built...

'I need you - NOW!'

...And built...

'PLEASE!'

...And built.

"Ten seconds." Mary-Sue continued to count down.

Nine seconds.

Eight seconds.

Seven seconds.

Mary-Sue's finger touched the switch, ready.

Six seconds.

Five seconds.

Four seconds.

OC squealed a little... Squeal... With excitement.

Three seconds.

Two seconds.

One second.

"Sephiroth... Sorry..." Aeris whispered. "Never... Never forget me..."

Mary-Sue was going to click the switch...

"Goodbye, Aeris!"

...When...!

She was suddenly hit by Waterga, and the water became a conductor and she was struck by lightning!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" She yelled like Ryudo inside the trials that he took after meeting Elmo and then he was struck by lightning and sunk into lava and became a monster.

Aeris opened her eyes.

Who was standing at the top of the steps but...

...RUFUS? WTFZORZ?

Just kidding! It was, of course...

...SEPHIROTH!

'He's here... He came...'

OC ran over to Mary-Sue.

"PRESIDENT!"

"Who are you?" Sephiroth asked, walking over to them. "And what are you doing?"

Mary-Sue slowly stood. How the hell is she alive? Well, my friend. Plot-supporting armour. THAT'S HOW! She was wearing half-Bolt/Water damage equipment. Well, she needed it in that weather!

"S...Seph... Ir... Oth...?" She said slowly. "It's... It's you..."

She fell forward. OC caught her.

"President!"

"Tell me. Before I kill you both."

"There is... No need." Mary-Sue said. "We are but mere children, lost in the wake of the world..."

OC walked away from her once she regained balance.

"I have a weak heart... Yes, so weak... Yet, I have done wrong. I can see that. Perhaps... Perhaps that is my strength..."

Ugh... Here we go again. RPG poetic rambling time!

"So, I would ask you, Sephiroth... Who am I? What am I doing here?"

He paused.

"You..."

Suddenly, something hard pressed against his back.

A GUN! GASP!

OC was holding the barrel of a gun to his back.

"HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!" She cackled. "If only more people realised that RPG rants are efficient ways to buy time!"

WHAT WAS HE SUPPOSED TO DO? Argh... Damn those evil FC girls!

"...I'll hear you out." He said.

OC smirked.

"Good choice."

"If I give you what you want, you'll let Aeris go, right?"

"Yes, but it isn't that simple..." Mary-Sue said. "Because... What I want... Is perhaps out of reach..."

"Just tell me what it is..." Sephiroth said, beginning to get impatient with them.

"SFC. Sephiroth Fan Club..." She explained. "I want... You."

"...Me?"

"My heartaches... Because of you. Because I watch you from a distance. Because I love you... And if killing her would take her out of the way, I'd do it... That is why..."

"That's ridiculous..."

Sephiroth then cast Quake3 on OC and sent her and the gun flying! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! LOOKS LIKE OC'S BLASTING OFF AAAAAGGGGAAAAIIIIIIINNN!" She screamed, before she sparkled in the sky like Team Rocket.

"Ridiculous? Yes..." Mary-Sue said, before she went to the edge of the roof. "You came for her... How my heart breaks... It is... The end... Now."

Then she JUMPED OFF! JUST LIKE THAT! HAHAH! The Sephiroth FC is HIS-TOR-EEE! YAY!

"Weird..." Sephiroth said, shaking his head, before going over to Aeris.

She was looking away sadly.

"Aeris? Are you okay?" He asked, untying her.

"I... Sephiroth... I..."

The rope fell to the ground. Oh, and it's still raining with the thunder and lightning, by the way. But y'all knew that! UNDYING STORM! WOO! Well... Yeah... Whatever.

"...Aeris?"

She walked up to him, looking down at the roof tiling.

Her hand quickly rose as she looked up, and she slapped him hard. HA-HA-HA!

"W-OW? WH-WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" He yelled.

Aeris looked back down slightly, and then walked closer.

"...Uh... Aer...?"

She then burst into tears and fell into his arms. Aww!

"SEPHIROTH! YOU STUPID BASTARD! I-I...! LOOK! I-I'M CRYING! You--"

"...Aeris..."

"You... You were late! But... You came... I-I'm sorry..."

"Sorry for what?"

"S-Sorry I left..."

"It's alright. You're coming back now though, right?"

"...Well... Only if you promise me something else..."

"Umm... What about the other promise?"

"You fulfilled it, haven't you?"

"Alright. I promise that I'll never make you angry or make you cry ever again."

"...Ever?"

"Never ever. 'Cause... I can't do that to you. I can't make the same mistake twice."

And then he held her close to him and everything went all sickly-sweet. Awww!

"C-Can we go home now?"

"Yeah..."

'Let's go home...'

------------------------------------------------------------------

Little did Aeris and Sephiroth know, but Hojo was in the science lab, having a scientific debate with Professor Weetos.

"But I REALLY think they should be chocolate Os, not CHOCOBOS!" Professor Weetos said.

"We are not making a breakfast cereal, we are not discussing birds, we are creating Jenova Specimen!" Hojo yelled for the FIFTEEN HUNDRETH TIME!

"Oh... Well, can they be chocolate flavoured Jenova Specimen?" Weetos asked hopefully.

"No, Weetos! They can just be plain old Jenova Specimen..." Hojo replied dully.

"I concur completely! FWOY!" Professor Frink said, appearing alluva sudden.

"DINOSAURS!" Professor (Ross) Gellar beamed, also appearing alluva sudden.

"Okay, okay, let's figure out a strategy to make these Jenova Specimen without any Jenova cells..." Hojo said, since he had lost all of his Jenova cells.

"Excuse me, AMATURE!" Professor Odine from Esthar in the crazy FFVIII world yelled. "I HAVE FOUND JENOVA CELLS!"

"Really?" Hojo said slowly, because he knew WELL that Odine could NEVER get his hand on Jenova cells!

"Yes!" Odine confirmed, and then whipped out... CLOUD'S CORPSE!

"Oh. The failure." Blinked Hojo. "Oh well... Jenova cells are Jenova cells. Put him in the (insert scientific words here) machine!"

So, Odine put Cloud in the machine, and pulled the lever at the side. It all powered up, and the lights... Weren't on anyway, because it was a storm. So, how could the machine work? Hey, wait a minute! THEY USE MAKO, ANYWAY! ARGH! Oh well. The machine started up, and Odine began to laugh manically as the thunder and lightning from the Undying Storm boomed and flashed in the background.

"HAHAHAHAHAH! IT'S AAAAALLLLLLLLLIIIIIIIIIIIIIVVVVVVVVVVVEEEEEE!"

Except, Cloud wasn't alive. And the Undying Storm caused the machine to malfunction. The professors looked worried.

"HOJO! WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE MACHINE?" Weetos yelled.

"I DON'T KNOW!" Hojo shouted.

"TURN IT OFF!" Ross screamed like a little girl.

"FWOY!" Frink contributed.

Odine tried to fix it but it was TOO LATE AND THERE WAS A FLASH OF LIGHT AND A LOUD CRASH! ARGH! SCARY!

Aeris and Sephiroth were meanwhile trying to get out of the building.

"SEPHIROTH!" Aeris yelled. "WHAT'S THAT?"

"What's what?" He asked.

"THAT NOISE?"

Suddenly, there was a big SHOCKWAVE, and it went BOOM and went ALL ACROSS MIDGAR! BOOM!

Cloud suddenly felt a rush of energy through him. He wasn't alive, but his spirit suddenly materialised into the shockwave.

Which leaves everything open. Ha ha ha ha HHHHAAAAAAA!

**BASS IT!**

**THE END!**

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! THE END! YES! THE END OF UNDYING PIE! HAHAHAHAHAHAH!

Well, if you've got some questions, don't be put off asking them! I can still answer!

UNDYING PIE 2! UNDYING PIE... 2! A SEQUEL! YES! OF COURSE! WOO!

With more misadventures of Aeris and Sephiroth and all of the other Final Fantasy VII characters that have died, tried to kill themselves or are dead INSIDE!

And also... FREE SUGAR!

Hahahaha!

Well, see ya for now!


End file.
